Belief@HazelCafe

Yeah.. why fight the fact? LOL…

In fact (oh well.. fact), everyone fights facts that he or she is not comfortable with. Just look at yourself. How many times have you fight back, when you hear something that you are not pleased with? How many times have you turn jealous, when you see something that you want but did not get, yet someone else got it easily? How many times have you snapped back at something that just get on your nerves?

It’s true. Everyone fights, in one way or another. The more important thing is, how to live with it. Hahaha…

It’s quite intuitive for humans to try to find a reason to try to cover up a fact. And very fast, too. Some people are better at this than others. Some people just don’t realise it.

Oh well. How to put things in words here. It’s hard.

Let’s get into examples.

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“You are behind schedule!”

“That is due to (tons of reasons)!”

That kind of discussion, is not going to help the fact. The fact that you are behind schedule.

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“The hardware is spoilt. Who’s to blame?”

“(looks for scapegoat)”

That kind of discussion, is not going to help the fact. The fact that the hardware is spoilt.

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“You love him more than me, don’t you?”

“I see him everyday due to (tons of reasons)”

That kind of discussion, is not going to help the fact. The fact that the person is feeling insecure.

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People state facts, for a couple of reasons. 1, is to look for information. 2, is to look for solutions. And maybe 3, to look for assurance. Just use your creativity. Use that thing that is in between your ears, and think.

Ever thought why the brain is situated there? Maybe the reason’s the following.

We humans, see things first. Seeing is believing. We trust our own eyes. When we see things, the reaction that they brought about, is almost immediate. Just imagine, you see your dearest one, being kissed by another guy. What will your reaction be?

You will jump to conclusion.

Next, we hear things. Rumours. We don’t really trust our ears. Hearsay. Ever encounter this thing? You tell someone a solution, but someone is not listening. And then, the same someone goes around 1 big round, and realise the solution himself/herself. It’s exactly the same solution.

Looks like the eyes are closer to the brain than the ears eh?

And how come, the heart is situated so far away from the brain?

Maybe, so that, even when the heart breaks, the brain can still function? LOL.

Maybe.

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Let me look at some of my facts.

• I am a single child.
• I am single.
• I disappointed with myself sometimes.
• I am happy to be alive, even if I am in pain sometimes.
• I play.

Yeah. People work. I play. People work with hardware. I play with hardware. People write codes to meet requirements. I write code to meet ease of use. People write out reports. I scribble out reports.

See the difference?

Mentality.

So why are you reading this? I am telling you to go play!!! Hahaha…

Siao.

Today was another day at tanjong pagar! Hahaha!

And yes, in the morning, I took the bus, and then the MRT. Then the quite-cute lady, that took the same bus with me sometimes, stood right behind me on the MRT. Wahsey… made me feel so shuangz in the morning… wahaha!

Sounds wrong.

But you know what I mean. LOL.

She was wearing this bright yellow dress. Ok, her height’s around 160cm I think. Yeah. Nice height, to be able to lean comfortably on my shoulders…

Er.. ok ok Lk…. STOP DAYDREAMING… LOL!

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One important thing about a course, is its trainer. If the trainer’s good, the course’s good. LOL. Fun guy. Nice stories. Activities, well, were ok.

Today we discussed about agendas, and how to turn a conversation towards them. Hard. And also, how to turn a negative feeling into a positive one. Hard. And also, how to have win-win situations. Hard.

But once you can master it, you are master everywhere.

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Let me go back in time, and update all the foods that I had for the past week. I think I can only remember the food, and nothing else. Wahaha!! If there’s something else, I will put it in.

Monday
Went back to office. Breakfast was nasi lemak and coffee. Lunch was sambal fried rice with sunny-side-up, and barley, from seletar. Dinner was big mac meal, from AMK.

Tuesday
YC day. Breakfast was yong tau foo and coffee. Lunch was cai fan from the mess. Dinner was ajisen at IMM.

Wednesday
YC day. Breakfast was kuay teow mee with taiwan sausage, egg, and tau kua and coffee. Lunch was cai fan from the mess. Dinner was ichiban boshi, at GWC.

Thursday
LFC day. Breakfast was nasi lemak and coffee. Lunch was fried kuay teow at the tanjong pagar food centre. Dinner was vegetarian brown rice from JE.

Friday
LFC day. Breakfast was bee hoon and coffee. Lunch was katsu curry set at amara shopping centre. Dinner was billy bombers at MS. Then a few rounds of pool.

Maybe, every friday should be a chill-out day… Or one of the weekdays should be a stone-day…

Actually, I am not too sure what I ate on monday. Did I really eat nasi lemak for 2 days, in a week?? It’s true that, every morning, I had coffee. Not that I cannot do without it. I can even sleep very well after drinking coffee at night. As in, 10pm drink, 10.30pm fell asleep while watching tv, etc.

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Ok, got a letter on wednesday. Felt a bit strange getting that letter. It’s good, and it’s bad. Oh man. And I only got 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And I am not G.O.D. Don’t turn me into one.

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Saturday? Tennis at 10am, and then maybe queensway after that. I sounded like a duck, walking around with that shoes of mine that go ‘quack quack quack’.

-.-“

Was home super early today! It’s nice to be attending courses once in a while.

Somehow, I enjoyed today’s course topics. Even though I felt like I was a ‘tourist’ there, it somehow felt enriching. The first one was so-so, but this one was better. Maybe I prefered to listen to stories more than activities.

I had Ben Oon and Patrick attending the course together too. Talked crap here and there. It was good. Patrick’s M1 now. And news is that someone has jumped from M2 to M3. And someone has jumped from M2 to M3 to M4 within 2 years.

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One of the topics today was about communication and interpretation. Different people decipher a particular message differently. In order to get a message across, the way you intended it to be, you have to have feedback.

Feedback, can be of the 5 senses. Hear, touch, smell, sight, taste. A person can say yes, but his or her body language can mean otherwise. A person can say that a food is nice, but his or her tone can mean otherwise.

And, I think, while trying to talk to people, and people don’t respond, it’s a form of negative feedback. You can try to understand why there is no response through various means, but what if the other party is simply not interested to let you understand more? Do you just forget about the person, and let him or her rot away from your life?

It just feels wrong sometimes. Why am I giving my 100% trying to communicate, and the other side is simply putting in 0%? Is it fair? Maybe, the other side is just practicing filtering. Selective filtering. ‘Delete’, in this case. Or maybe the other side just hates me for reasons unknown to me. Or maybe the other side is just scared of me due to unknown wrongdoings. Or maybe the other side is just being anti-social.

‘Delete’, ‘Distort’, ‘Generalise’.

Yes, when things happen too frequently, I will tend to generalise things. Non-response will mean anti-Lk. You cannot blame me for that. I am not G.O.D.

No, really, we cannot actually understand each other. Everyone is different. It’s true. Every individual thinks differently. We cannot use our own beliefs, and try to impose on others. Like food, for example. It’s not that you like a particular food, and others have to follow suit. It’s not that you love ice cream, everyone else does, too.

Of course, there is an option called ‘change’, which is also a form of ‘compromise’ or ‘giving in’, but that’s another story for another time.

And the trainer said a point that I think is so true: “if you want to give instructions, make sure you know first”. Yeah, I don’t feel that giving instructions to people, when you yourself have not done something before, is good. It’s like a non-programmer, telling a programmer the reason why his or her program executes and crashes. How credible are you?

And there’s this small talk about people acting as if they know, when actually, they don’t know. Typical examples happen at work sometimes. You know, “act smart” people.

And saying this, I can’t help but to say that, there are ‘act hardworking’ people too. People that turns into superman when certain people are around.

Topics for another time.

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Oh yeah, did I mention about watching SATC during the weekend? Interesting wor… LOL… Looks like I can enjoy such movies. Duhz. I am really turning into girl mentality… badddd… LOL.

Ok, back to 宫心计 episode 22.

It certainly looks like, I can only have one. I cannot have the best of both worlds. It’s either this, or that.

To compromise, is to give up a certain something, in order to gain something else. It’s not necessary for the compromising party to gain from it.

I just cannot stand myself: why am I compromising? For whom am I compromising for?

No one. I thought there is, but, no. Yes. No one.

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Will be on course for the next 2 days. It’s a love-hate thingy. I think it might be interesting. And I think it might be a waste of time.

Contradictory.

In this case, which should I compromise? Time, or interest?

妥协。。。

Spain won… yay…

1 more hour. Sleep? Hmm…

Why am I feeling that, there is something that I ought to know, and yet, I am not being told?

Do I have to find things out myself? No. I don’t like to find things out myself. I like people to tell me. Finding out myself is not going to be a pleasant thing.

I am not a hacker. I don’t like to guess things. Be it passwords, secrets, gossips, outcomes. But I like to know things. Sometimes, this wanting to know things can land me in deep trouble with myself, as I struggle between my inner feelings and what I should really do. This is the price to pay, for being too KPO.

But, I can handle it. Still.

But, for how long can I still handle? Limits are near. If I cannot ‘upgrade’ to the next level, I will be somehow, trapped by myself.

I am not a competitor. I don’t like challenges. Be it games, matches, skills, knowledge. I don’t see wins and losses as a marker of success. Wins and losses have their own lessons to learn. I don’t like to fight. I try to maintain a balance. This wanting to balance things sometimes can cause me to sacrifice myself.

But, I can handle it. Still.

But really, how long can I keep on sacrificing? I cannot be sacrificing my time forever. I cannot be sacrificing my feelings every time. I cannot be sacrificing my principles all the time.

I need to be at peace with myself. When I am at peace with myself, only then, I can see things more clearly, and accept more things openly.

Lk is limited. Lk needs to cut off from the world, and rest. But, there’s only 1 way to do that, and Lk does not want to go to that state too early. Lk still has a long long way to go. Lk has to go on.

A new week. A new outlook. And hopefully, a better Lk. 做好事, 说好话, 存好心.

Somehow, I think I feel more peaceful, when I am not on MSN.

That’s why, nowadays, I am telling the whole world that I am online, less and less often.

So much that, on weekdays, I will not be online at night.

I just don’t feel the need to tell the whole world I am online. No one looks for me when I am online anyway. People I look for are usually too busy to entertain me, or are not bothered. People that I don’t look for sometimes will send me a message, and then gone MIA.

Being online, just increase my chances of feeling sad or pissed. Seldom happy. Seldom.

Cutting back on online presence…

This week was an OK week I guess. Managed to settle a stupid problem at work, and got to relax a bit here and there while working at the same time. Seen how information did not flow as freely as we wanted it to be, and seen how that will cause problems for us. Information flow, is dependent on the informer. If the informer did not bother to pass down the information, which is so time-critical, what can we do?

Do extra, of course. Until we also do not know, why are we doing extra. For whom are we doing extra.

On the bright side, doing extra is good practice. At least, it increases one’s knowledge of things (if you are willing to learn despite complains now and then), and enables more chances at trouble-shooting (till the extent that you can be crowned a trouble-shooting king or queen).

[Monday]
Went to work with a black heart.  Or an icy heart, whichever is closer. I just wanted to do whatever I planned to do. Nothing much though. When Lk’s cold, he’s damn cold. And heartless.

Went to BPP after work. Bought myself a hot fudge sundae. Great stuff, after an icy day. And then, fried rice from JE.

[Tuesday]
It’s quite interesting, and quite frustrating, how 1 side wanted to take control, and yet, did things that were not up to expectations, and how the other side wanted to give up control, and yet, the top wanted that side to hold on to control.

The thing is, we are not interested in control. Why put so many things on our heads when we know that we cannot handle it?

If we take charge, fine, let us handle everything. Not half-half. It’s just hard to work with people who are half-hearted at doing things.

Dinner was at… IKEA! Ate like siao as usual lor. A BIG DINNER. Hahaha… we had got pasta, chicken leg, shrimp salad, chicken wings, meat balls!

[Wednesday]
Hmmm… trouble-shooting day. I forgot what I did though. It should be some shit thing.

Dinner was at T3. Yummy mee hun kuey and mango salad. Mango salad. Reminded me of the @#*&@)(*#@ salad bought from the stall while at HNL. Zzz.

[Thursday]
1 problem solved. We had a great time tracing cabling. We saw that indeed the shielding of cables has been tied to some ground, and that whole mounting was tied to a base. And yes, the base is made of fibre-glass.

There’s no common ground.

And so, we made a vow to ground everything, each and every component, each and every aluminum plate, each and every mounting where there is obvious grounding, to somewhere common. And that solved our analog voltage issues.

Grounding is important. Just like in life. You stand on both legs. Your legs touch the ground. And you can stand, stable.

Dinner was bought from JE. Cai fan, I think.

[Friday]
It’s Friday!!! I have 1 more @#@)#*@# problem, but I will leave it for next week. We had fun playing around with buckets of water, both fresh and salt, and ac currents going up to 80 amps. Zzz. Strange procedures. Strange results.

Whatever.

Dinner was at some thai place at GWC. Forgot the name. Another BIG DINNER. Seafood green curry noodles (or bee hoon… zzz), pineapple fried rice, kailan, and a tomyum sukiyaki. Wahaha… Crazy 1. Ate until quite full leh. The tomyum’s not bad though.

[Saturday]
Tennis day. Played like crazy again. It’s shiok to be playing like crazy, where the ball lands wherever you want it to land.

Not that accurate la, but at least, it does not go out. LOL.

Finally, the handphone screen protector’s available! But I am damn sianz about it. The cutting was quite wrong. I might have to take it out, trim a bit, and paste it back.

The boss gave me a discount, and would gave me more discount when better goods arrive. So that screen protector is a temporary measure.

[Sunday]
Most probably, tennis. Before that, shopping at queensway maybe.

No updates till tomorrow!

I am too lazy to write a damn long post today. If you want to read interesting things, go elsewhere, or just go to stomp. There’s lots of interesting things.

I just wanna stone. And spend my weekend, just the way I want it: peace. And there’s nothing, or no one, to entertain me anyway.