Belief@HazelCafe

Er… I am staring at this “Add New Post” page for quite some time. And then, I start to realize: I have nothing important or interesting to say tonight.

…

Alright, maybe, just let me put up a Lk Hopelist…

I hope…

• Not to be sponsored by what I have been sponsored by so far.
• Not to be bothered by what I have been bothered by so far.
• Not to be pissed by what I have been pissed by so far.
• Not to be saddened by what I have been saddened by so far.
• Not to be disheartened by what I have been disheartened by so far.

Wahsey… looks like only the first item is a materialistic one. Lol. The rest are all…. spiritual? Oh man, am I trying to become more ‘holy’ or what?

As usual, I am flawed. I admit. I am strange sometimes. I am strict sometimes. I am jealous sometimes. I think too much sometimes. I am an idiot sometimes. But who’s not flawed? Who’s perfect?

I think that is something I need? Acceptance? Maybe?

不完美

唱：李玖哲
曲：李玖哲
词：林燕岑

你常常说 我很完美
没人能取代 我给的一切
我就以为 我努力更完美
我们 就会永远

完美并不美 我们多虚伪
你让我的好 变成一种罪
完美并不美 当你爱了谁
我的完美也只是 不完美

后来你说 我太完美
值得更好的 陪在我身边
你不是我 你怎么能体会
你有 多么珍贵

完美并不美 我们多虚伪
你让我的好 变成一种罪
完美并不美 当你爱了谁
我的完美也只是 不完美

完美并不美 我们多虚伪
你让我的好 变成一种罪
完美并不美 当你爱了谁
我的完美成了 罪

完美并不美 我们多虚伪
你让我的好 变成一种罪
完美并不美 当你爱了谁
我的完美也只是 不完美

Played tennis yesterday. And played tennis today!!

Lol.. let’s start with yesterday. Yesterday was a short one. Only me and Hua Hui. We just rallied. And then, the rain came. We called it a day at around 11.30am. Heh. And luckily too, because the rain got heavier.

I finally had a chance to walk in the rain. Lol! This time, I put on my windbreaker/raincoat, and walked out of the toilet, and no, the rain did not stop!! Yay!!

Siao.

And 198 came! I took it, and ended up at Jurong Point!

Walked around. Damn shiok. It’s been quite some time since I went there. Went all the way up to the third floor, and found a shop selling balloons. Found the snow spray there. Yay!!

And then, walked all the way down to the OCBC bank place. The siao ATM at NTUC was somehow not giving me money. Saw a familiar ST lady there. Lol. We happened to be on the same bus sometimes, and on the same train sometimes. I saw her at the Transit Store twice… Ok ok next time should try say hi la. Hahaha!

And then, bought chilli salmon don for lunch! And also… (er.. I forgot the name) the little sticks of BBQ chicken.. (what’s the name… arrrr…), and some maki sushi!!! Wootz!

Bought some things too. Yeah. SOME THINGS. Lol…

And then, took 198 to JE, and switched to 143, and home!

Then, Jeremy came along at 3+pm, to take office keys from me. He suspected that he had left his house keys there. Heh. And so, he came all the way here, and took the keys from me. Wahhaa nice travellin’ eh?

And then… watched tv, nua, stone, the whole afternoon and the whole night away. Lol!

Went for tennis with Chris this morning! Initially, it drizzled a bit. Just a bit. And then it stopped. We played till 12.30pm.

We had all the time to play a complete game.

The score? 6-1. 4-6. 6-1. Heh.

At least I won 1. 4-6. Wahaha!! For the third set, the song came ringing into my mind, and I lost some concentration. And that’s it. Heh. But never mind, I shall trash him soon. Wahha!!!

As always, I have been saying that. As always. Since uni days.. lol!

Had Mac for lunch. Fillet o fish meal. It’s been a long time since I had a meal after tennis too. Haha!

And then? 183, 143, home!

And then… watched tv, nua, stone, the whole afternoon and the whole night away. Lol! (eh.. sounds familiar)

Was watching Die Hard 4.0 just now. Sun Yanzi kept popping up during commercial breaks. Heh. Was wondering if the hair’s real… Anyway, how come Bruce Willis’ so pro in the movie? Jump here and there, roll here and there, shoot here and there, and he still survived???!

Movies.. haiz… lol!

Song for the day!

我不是你想像那么勇敢

曲：陈威全
词：姚谦
唱：梁文音

有时候太坚强 笑容却填不满眼眶
越是想要隐藏 歌声就唱的更响亮
直到入到心底最深处 OH~
你不要追问我 还缺了些什么

每个人都有梦 幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望 越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 OH~
我强问我自己 现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像那么勇敢
多想让你保护能流泪一场
让我放下武装 像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上

每个人都有梦 幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望 越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 OH~
我强问我自己 现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像那么勇敢
多想让你保护能流泪一场
让我放下武装 像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上

我不是你想像总是扮演坚强
多想让你知道我也要个伴
放下讨厌武装 像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上

我不是你想像的那么勇敢

Sometimes, I really think that I am an idiot. An idiot that no one can save. At least not at this moment. I don’t feel any saviors around me. In the future, maybe. Who knows.

I may just be an idiot for the rest of my life.

…………………………………………………………

One fine day, someone told me that I looked too ‘neutral’ most of the time. I have to agree somehow, because that person happened to be my sis. LOL.

No la. Really. Sometimes I also think I looked too ‘neutral’. So neutral that, people think I am cold and ignorant of what’s happening around me.

BUT. I am very much aware of things happening around me. It’s just that I choose not to be bothered by them. If I have that choice. And also, some people can’t be bothered with me too.

I have been thinking, how many people are actually in the same frequency as me? And I realise that there aren’t much around.

The following are some ideas I have, regarding the types of people who are not on the same frequency as me.

• If I say something, and you reply rather neutrally, and maybe impatiently.
• If I say something, and you don’t understand, and you don’t bother to think, and you don’t bother to even try to understand.
• If I do something, and you think that it’s a waste of time.
• If I respond to something, and you do not understand the response.

To summarise is simple: You don’t understand me.

The one thing that I am most afraid of, is mis-communication. I don’t like it when my point don’t get across, or worse, got across, with meanings twisted. I don’t like it when people just shoot me down without giving themselves a chance to understand what I am doing. I don’t like it when people are just plainly unreasonable. I don’t like it when people are just out to bring me down.

When I don’t like things happening, I may turn evil. That’s not me. No. I don’t want to turn evil.

I always try to be on the same frequency as people, if they allow me to. If people do not want to be on the same frequency as me, what can I do?

I can’t force them. I can’t move them. I simply can’t communicate with them.

They shut me off.

Imagine you are in a small room. There’s people outside, playing, laughing, singing, dancing. You can see what they are doing, but they cannot see what you are doing. Or rather, they don’t bother. You are alone, in the room. You shouted, but no one hears you. You cried, but no one cares. You bang on the door, but no one opens it for you.

You feel isolated.

You feel lonely.

You feel… unwanted.

You feel… extra.

Maybe, I am having that kind of feeling right now.

But, at least, I still have some people here and there… LOL.

…………………………………………………………

After writing the above, it makes me feel more like an idiot. WTD.

Maybe, the above can be an IDEA…. oooo…

So, what can a group of guys do after work?

Eat, of course!

I was discussing with Ming Po on what to eat for dinner. Then I asked Boon Heng if he wanted to join us. He agreed. Then I asked Ivan and Steven, jokingly initially. They said Clementi’s a bit too far off. Steven suggested Bugis. Somehow, we agreed!!!

Yay!!!

And then off we went! We had dinner at 天天火锅, after feeling ps-ed at another steamboat buffet place, which said they will call us when a table is available. Ate, crapped, laughed, and stoned. Heh… It was Ivan’s first time trying the 麻辣火锅. Heh. We were telling him how hot it would be, and then trying to scare him about the soup, how he will feel next morning while doing business in the toilet, etc.

LOL!

Had some pictures. I think I will post them up in FB, maybe tomorrow.

On ar!

It’s another emotionally disturbed night.

Well, things that don’t go my way, I have them all the time. I just had one just now.

It’s possible for a KTV outing of 14 being reduced to 9 within 1 hour.

We had choices the day before. We were given a room for a minimum of 8 people. Somehow, the  number of people grew to 14. I changed to a room for a minimum of 12. And what did I get today?

I really do not know to laugh, to be pissed off, or to be sad.

………………………………

LAUGH

Laugh, perhaps because I am always facing such problems. To laugh, means, to laugh at myself.

Laugh at myself, for being so stupid, to upgrade a small room to a big one, and believing that everyone who agreed to be there, will be there.

Laugh at myself, for believing in others.

Laugh at myself, big time.

PISSED OFF

Pissed off, perhaps because things happen at the last minute. To be pissed off, means, to be pissed off with myself.

Pissed off with myself, for not confirming with them in the afternoon. Those changes of minds came at the last moment.

Pissed off with myself, for being so nice to actually try to organize such things, and this was what I get in the end.

Pissed off with myself, big time.

SAD

Sad, perhaps because things did not turn out the way I wanted them to be. To be sad, means, to be sad with myself.

Sad with myself, for such things to happen.

Sad with myself, for being so nice.

Sad with myself, big time.

………………………………

In the end, what happened? Imagine, how will you like it, if you got to pay for 12 people, even when you only got 8? Let’s leave out the 9th person, as he came down as fast as he could, even though he had been busy.

If you are paying for 12, even when there’s 8, automatically, something will come to the mind.

Just fucking cancel it.

Consequences? Lots. I may just have earned myself an entry into a blacklist. It’s bad for people who actually turned up.

It’s just not fair.

But then, since when things have been fair to me?

No.

I am tired. But who cares.

Let me just put everything behind me. Make it a lesson learnt. Strange, but I have learnt this lesson long ago. I just keep on repeating the same old error.

………………………………

So how to prepare for things that don’t go your way?

…

Just do more things, and see more things that don’t go your way. You will get used to it eventually.

………………………………

Who did we had today at PartyWorld @ Liang Court?

Pamela, Mandy, Josephine, Qiuxiang, Sean See, Yao Hua, Benjamin Feng, and Steven. And me.

Sang lots of songs! I just love duets! But some duets are just damn hard!

But I kissed goodbye to “Kiss Goodbye”. The song never got to be played. Too bad.

And so the 9 of us sang till the last song.

Thanks for all your on-ness!

Ermmm… I am still thinking what I want!

Think….

I will update next time. LOL!

When people reach my kind of age, what is the most common announcement that they see on FB?

– x is married to y – – x is engaged to y — x is in a relationship with y –

Something along that line.

That’s the power of being online. Without that, I would have to hear such things from friend’s friend’s friend’s friend… LOL!

So how do I feel?

Happy for them, of course! Hahaha… it’s not easy to find The One. You just need an example.

Me lor.

Lol!

Or… maybe I am not trying hard enough? Or… maybe I am just trying too hard? It really looks like I am always in this kind of situation for the past 10 years. @()(!#*@)!(…

Anyway, I can feel alot more of these happy events coming. I have just been told of 1, which has been scheduled for next year July.

And let’s see what has happened so far…

A few of my friends have been married. Among them, some have already became parents. There’s one who already has 2 children. And there’s another one expecting her second arrival in January. There’s one who has recently became a mother.

WOW…

And I am still… well… you know…

Whatever. LOL!

Monday was alright actually. Edit some stupid code (due to my stupidity actually, by implementing callbacks here and there…), change some stupid settings, collect some stupid things, printed some stupid notes, crapped some stupid jokes, and, well, being stupid. Lol!

I think anyone reading this will turn stupid after this.

Anyway, we decided to knock off early today! And somehow, we ended up at Tiong Bahru, and then Great World City. Had dinner at Ichiban. Ate, crapped, stoned, nua, all the way till the waitress asked us for last orders.

That’s Monday. That’s the way to a start of a week of crap ahead.

Ok, maybe not that crappy after all. I don’t want a crappy week. I want a super week. But such things are so hard to come by. So rare, so precious.

………………………………………………………………………………………

I had been listening to one of 陈伟联’s song. It’s the opening song for the drama that has just started today, at 9pm. There’s this phrase in the song:

“拥有了全世界 可是你却看不见 我宁愿重回到那一年 牵着你去看明天”

Hmmm…. simple, yet chim.

Really chim.

Oh well, it’s a boring Saturday.

Wanted to hop out of home for a bit of jalan jalan, but decided against it, as I thought it was quite sianz to be wandering around alone. And, the rain looked like it might fall anytime soon. And indeed it rained. It rained hours after I decided not to go for a swim due to the weather. It’s been like this for the past weeks.

Unpredictable rain. Even on my HTC, I see the forecast as ‘cloudy’ 1 moment, and another moment, it may become a ‘thunderstorm’.

I had no idea, what have I been doing for the past 16 hours or so.

Or maybe I had some idea…

1. Watched some movie on MioTV. I did not know the title of the movie though. Just watched.
2. Finished ‘reviving’ my 2 bottles of silica gel by heating them up in an oven at 150 degrees Celsius for 20 minutes each batch.
3. Listened to 彩虹 by Jay. Suddenly this song began to ring in my head early in the morning. I wondered why.
4. Talked to Joan on MSN. Rare to talk to this sis of mine. Lol… Long time no talk leh…
5. Watched Bolt while eating Nissin cup noodles for lunch.
6. Played a bit of guitar and keyboard. No IDEA.
7. Listened to the rain.
8. Read a bit of ‘Have a Little Faith’. I am extremely slow with this book. I can’t believe it.
9. Clean up stuffs here and there.
10. Played with HTC. Installed some apps and games.
11. Cleaned up my work project.
12. Read a bit of What The Duck.
13. Stone.
14. Nua.

Haiz…

……………………………………………………………

It’s been a long time since I talked to Joan. Yes. Looooooong time. Well, we sort-of msn lots last time… lol… now, everyone’s busy here and there. Not much time for such things.

Well, she’s one of those that I will label as ‘can talk to’. Lol.

There are some more others. I shall not list them out.

There are some that I just cannot talk to. They just do not care. I shall not list them out also.

No point la. Lol…

……………………………………………………………

Last Wednesday, I did not know how I walk, but I managed to swing my right hand, and it hit the metal basin just outside the toilet.

Yes, I know. I PRO.

Initially, my right hand went numb. And then, it became weak. Then, the pain came. It swelled a little. And I had a bit of a problem using my right hand after that. I could not exert any force with it.

Thursday, it felt better.

Now, it seems like it has recovered. But when I press on the hand, there’s still a little bit of pain.

Hmm…

Yes, I know. I PRO.

I must be thinking of some girl or what. Duh.

As in, who in the right mind, while walking, can hit his/her right hand into the basin, when the basin is right in front of you, and you @#()*# know it’s there?

@@!((#))&*^!)@*#^%#*@!)

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