Sometimes, I really think that I am an idiot. An idiot that no one can save. At least not at this moment. I don’t feel any saviors around me. In the future, maybe. Who knows.
I may just be an idiot for the rest of my life.
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One fine day, someone told me that I looked too ‘neutral’ most of the time. I have to agree somehow, because that person happened to be my sis. LOL.
No la. Really. Sometimes I also think I looked too ‘neutral’. So neutral that, people think I am cold and ignorant of what’s happening around me.
BUT. I am very much aware of things happening around me. It’s just that I choose not to be bothered by them. If I have that choice. And also, some people can’t be bothered with me too.
I have been thinking, how many people are actually in the same frequency as me? And I realise that there aren’t much around.
The following are some ideas I have, regarding the types of people who are not on the same frequency as me.
- If I say something, and you reply rather neutrally, and maybe impatiently.
- If I say something, and you don’t understand, and you don’t bother to think, and you don’t bother to even try to understand.
- If I do something, and you think that it’s a waste of time.
- If I respond to something, and you do not understand the response.
To summarise is simple: You don’t understand me.
The one thing that I am most afraid of, is mis-communication. I don’t like it when my point don’t get across, or worse, got across, with meanings twisted. I don’t like it when people just shoot me down without giving themselves a chance to understand what I am doing. I don’t like it when people are just plainly unreasonable. I don’t like it when people are just out to bring me down.
When I don’t like things happening, I may turn evil. That’s not me. No. I don’t want to turn evil.
I always try to be on the same frequency as people, if they allow me to. If people do not want to be on the same frequency as me, what can I do?
I can’t force them. I can’t move them. I simply can’t communicate with them.
They shut me off.
Imagine you are in a small room. There’s people outside, playing, laughing, singing, dancing. You can see what they are doing, but they cannot see what you are doing. Or rather, they don’t bother. You are alone, in the room. You shouted, but no one hears you. You cried, but no one cares. You bang on the door, but no one opens it for you.
You feel isolated.
You feel lonely.
You feel… unwanted.
You feel… extra.
Maybe, I am having that kind of feeling right now.
But, at least, I still have some people here and there… LOL.
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After writing the above, it makes me feel more like an idiot. WTD.
Maybe, the above can be an IDEA…. oooo…