Skipped another swim session. Could not make it. Left office at 7pm.
Skipped.
Took MRT with calvin. Yeah.
Passed by BB. The time was 8pm.
Skipped.
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Got the letter today. Ok. Not much feelings, except that I can use that to clear off some debts here and there.
Looks like monetary motivation, is not really what I am looking for ultimately…
The strange thing is, no matter what, a balance is needed somewhere. You trade off something, in order to gain from something else.
For example…
You give up time, in order to learn something new.
You give up love, in order to focus on something else.
You give up hope, in oder to stop dreaming.
Etc…
Crap…
I just got reminded of the anime, full metal alchemist. “没有牺牲就没有获得 è¦æƒ³å¾—到什么 就必须付出åŒç‰çš„代价”…
Well well…
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The song that was playing when I alighted from the bus, was 如果ä¸æƒ³è¦, by Jolin. This song is from the “Lucky Number” album. Hmm… Nice song… quite sad too.
I tend to hit on songs that tell some story, every night before I reach my door steps. LOL…
Oh yeah, nowadays, I always backdate my events… Hmm…
On Tuesday evening, I went to eat dinner with tyh. At Northpoint. We had nasi biryani! It’s that same old stall, over 10 years, and the queue’s still that long! Wahaha…
Ok, maybe, not that long, but still, have to queue.
Ate liao then jalan around for a while lor. I showed him the cheerful and friendly and well-spoken waitress at Men-ichi. Lol… Imagine a waitress, from China, that speaks good english, chinese, and even japanese?? Woahhh…
Went home after that lor…
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Today, I had a ‘fun’ time looking at QT. When I am looking at coding, I tend to block all surroundings out.
Or do I? LOL… maybe not.
Actually, truly speaking, I get distracted quite easily. I get distracted when I hear people mumbling. I get distracted when the phone rings. I get distracted when people are laughing away.
Then I think, hey, what are they talking about? Why am I not in the conversation too? Is the call for me?
And maybe, sometimes, to the extremes: why they so free, and I have a tight deadline to meet?
What to do. I set my deadline. I aim to deliver. I have to. Regardless.
But till now, I still do not see any motivation to do that…
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On other things… for me, things just have to be mutual. And, I hate liars.
For the past 2 weeks, I have been conserving energy, with not much effect. I have been trying to minimize the pain due to my back problem. I tried to move around whenever I got the chance. I tried not to sit for too long a period of time. I tried to do some minor stretching.
I tried this and that. I went to the MO to request for a referral back to NUH. The appointment is 2 months away. 5 May 2010. He gave me some more painkillers. I am not going to try much of them. The pain is bearable. I don’t want to become a painkiller addict.
Yesterday was good. I tried the painkillers for the first time in the morning, and I was able to go for tennis in the afternoon with not much problem. Hmm. I tried the painkillers today again, and I did not feel much difference.
There’s 1 thing I think for sure. The painkillers make me sleep. Tired for no reason.
I am still waiting to see if conditions will improve. Otherwise, I can forget about East Coast Park. I can forget about ball games. I can forget about cycling. I can forget about all those physical outdoor activities that I cannot do without.
If conditions never improve, I will have to request for a further downgrade, from PES C9L2, to at least a C9L3. I can’t be using the same old excuse for ICT everytime, can I?
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I am wondering, can we tell if a person is a sports player or not, just by looking at the face? I think that may be possible. For some people at least. Not for all.
Why didn’t I learn piano when I was young? Why didn’t I pick up any musical instruments last time? Well, I am from a not-that-wealthy-but-still-can-survive family. Music? Luxury. Can do without. Take it as, I am not that fortunate to be learning music in a classroom environment. I learn music the hard way: trial and error.
The same way I learn languages; a little Japanese, a little German, and maybe, a little Malay…
I am looking at the Japanese language book that is sitting quietly on my bookshelf. Then, I see the German language book at is sitting besides it. And I see a German dictionary.
I just have to LOL. And then, I wonder, what drove me last time, to make me want to pick up these languages? Where did that motivation go to, that somewhat hindered me from going further, to learn more about the languages?
Hmm…
Maybe, I am just, simply not that motivated to pick up languages fully. At least not anymore.
But things may change, because, you never know…
Long time never use that phrase already.
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Spent the morning browsing through Mio-TV’s menu. And then, I realised that they are showing 阳光列车 1 and 2 on MobTV Select! Wahahha! æ–¹è€å¸ˆ!!!
Watched till ep 5 already. Shall continue when I got the time. Heh. Old dramas are interesting.
“妳è½éŽæµ·é·—的故事嗎?”
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Spent yesterday and today, trying to dual boot my desktop. So far, no success yet. I am going to try 1 last time. If that fails, I am going to give up for this weekend.
You know, knowing when to give up, is a skill. Sometimes, I just do not know when to give up. I continue to try, and try, and try, until I know that my objectives cannot be met due to some other circumstances.
Sometimes, I just feel that, I am obligated to try. And even when I know the end result is negative.
Be it work. Be it relationships. Be it problems.
And I hate myself for that. I always hope that, I can get confirmation as soon as possible, so as to kill me off. Terminate me. Shut me down. But the problem is, I don’t.
I have to learn things the hard way then. Like keyboard. Like guitar.
[edited at 12am]
Things are getting interesting. Surprises. I love surprises! Lol!
I used to think, how nice it will be, if someone (maybe someone I like, or whatever) gives me a surprise. A good one.
A bad surprise, is known as shock, by the way. Haha…
So far, off-hand, I can remember 2. Both were bday surprises. Hee.
Come think of it, I seldom had surprises. But I like to give people surprises. Is it the inner me, saying that since I am not getting much surprises, I ought to give people surprises, so as to see their happy faces?
It really takes an effort… At least for me. People that have got surprises from me, are special to me in one way or another.
