Alright, holidays have officially ended.

For the past 2 weeks, I have been conserving energy, with not much effect. I have been trying to minimize the pain due to my back problem. I tried to move around whenever I got the chance. I tried not to sit for too long a period of time. I tried to do some minor stretching.

I tried this and that. I went to the MO to request for a referral back to NUH. The appointment is 2 months away. 5 May 2010. He gave me some more painkillers. I am not going to try much of them. The pain is bearable. I don’t want to become a painkiller addict.

Yesterday was good. I tried the painkillers for the first time in the morning, and I was able to go for tennis in the afternoon with not much problem. Hmm. I tried the painkillers today again, and I did not feel much difference.

There’s 1 thing I think for sure. The painkillers make me sleep. Tired for no reason.

I am still waiting to see if conditions will improve. Otherwise, I can forget about East Coast Park. I can forget about ball games. I can forget about cycling. I can forget about all those physical outdoor activities that I cannot do without.

If conditions never improve, I will have to request for a further downgrade, from PES C9L2, to at least a C9L3. I can’t be using the same old excuse for ICT everytime, can I?

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I am wondering, can we tell if a person is a sports player or not, just by looking at the face? I think that may be possible. For some people at least. Not for all.

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Days without guitar are a bit boring. But I still have my keyboard. Played a bit just now. I have a tendency to play more emo songs. So far, my favourite song on keyboard is still 我不难过 by 孙燕资. Nah… I am just playing the chords. Maybe I should start looking into 天黑黑?

And then, I realised that, not all songs follow the same old chords combination. Ok, not that I now then realise, but I now then talk about it. Lol… 天黑黑’s chords are not that straight-forward, at least to me. But I think, if I am able to play that song, it will be interesting… Heh…

Why didn’t I learn piano when I was young? Why didn’t I pick up any musical instruments last time? Well, I am from a not-that-wealthy-but-still-can-survive family. Music? Luxury. Can do without. Take it as, I am not that fortunate to be learning music in a classroom environment. I learn music the hard way: trial and error.

The same way I learn languages; a little Japanese, a little German, and maybe, a little Malay…

I am looking at the Japanese language book that is sitting quietly on my bookshelf. Then, I see the German language book at is sitting besides it. And I see a German dictionary.

I just have to LOL. And then, I wonder, what drove me last time, to make me want to pick up these languages? Where did that motivation go to, that somewhat hindered me from going further, to learn more about the languages?

Hmm…

Maybe, I am just, simply not that motivated to pick up languages fully. At least not anymore.

But things may change, because, you never know…

Long time never use that phrase already.

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Spent the morning browsing through Mio-TV’s menu. And then, I realised that they are showing 阳光列车 1 and 2 on MobTV Select! Wahahha! 方老师!!!

Watched till ep 5 already. Shall continue when I got the time. Heh. Old dramas are interesting.

“妳聽過海鷗的故事嗎?”

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Spent yesterday and today, trying to dual boot my desktop. So far, no success yet. I am going to try 1 last time. If that fails, I am going to give up for this weekend.

You know, knowing when to give up, is a skill. Sometimes, I just do not know when to give up. I continue to try, and try, and try, until I know that my objectives cannot be met due to some other circumstances.

Sometimes, I just feel that, I am obligated to try. And even when I know the end result is negative.

Be it work. Be it relationships. Be it problems.

And I hate myself for that. I always hope that, I can get confirmation as soon as possible, so as to kill me off. Terminate me. Shut me down. But the problem is, I don’t.

I have to learn things the hard way then. Like keyboard. Like guitar.

Life’s hard. Heh.

I have to laugh it off.

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This is really a very touching song…

我不难过

唱: 孙燕资
词: 杨明学
曲: 李偲菘

又站在你家的门口　我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候　还能多久

终于你开口向我诉说她有多溫柔
虽然你还握著我的手　 但我已不在你心中

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有　陪在你身边　当你寂寞时候
別再看著我　说著你爱过　別太伤痛
我不难过　这不算什 么
只是为什么眼泪会流　我也不懂

就让我走　让我开始享受自由
回憶很多　你的影子也会充滿我生活
我並不懦弱　你比谁都懂　虽然寂 寞
这会是我　最后的寬容

抱紧我　再抱紧我
这一份感动　请你让我留在胸口
別在说是你的错
爱到了尽头　是非对错
就让它随风忘了所有
过得比你快活

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有　陪在你身边　当你寂寞时候
別再看著我　说著你爱过　別太伤痛
我不难过　这不 算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流　我也不懂

不要再说　或許这是最好結果
现在分手　总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手　离开你左右　我 向前走
这会是我　真正的解脱