Belief@HazelCafe

I am back… finally… I find some time to write something here…

So surprised to see that I am left with 96 days of NS… so fast…

Received that document from NUS to confirm my place in the faculty of Engineering. I had filled up the form. Going to mail it tomorrow. So fast too. 2 years have passed…

Time and tide waits for no Man… How true…

So much things have happened during these 2 weeks. In the end, me and another driver drove the 2 vehicles back from Jurong Island. We reached camp at around 1415. We decided to stay in camp instead of booking out to go home.

On Monday afternoon, the whole battalion (almost) went to become guinea pigs at the National Stadium. Parade marking. We had to stand in the afternoon sun to test out their formation plans, which were to form letters and numbers from 4 contingents…

On Tuesday, I don't seem to remember what happened except for the batallion run and a breakfast at the Specialist Mess… that day just passed…

This last minute thing happened on Wednesday. I was sent by my boss to be 2 I/C for the V200 to be driven to Sungei Gedong… the driver did not know exactly the route. Might as well I drive…

On Thursday, 2 drivers and myself had to send another vehicle to the same place. After that, in the afternoon, I had guard duty… so tired.. not really that tired, but just not feeling very well…

Friday. Got permission from BWO to excuse me from the run in the afternoon… first time joined the walking party, so happy!

Watched the soccer match between DAB and ADB. We won 2-0. Great!

See… this this the summary of the things that happened. If I go into details, I think I can write a book…

Why am I here? I should be sleeping by now. I still have a basketball session later.

Think I will talk more about my leave plans some other time. I had already planned my 23 days of leave.

ORD mood? Maybe, but I will be 'unemployed' soon… which means no more money…

I just happen to look at one of my 2003 entries, and I just can't stop myself from reading more. By looking through them, I find some things that I have forgotten. I almost forgot that M113 incident. I almost forgot that forced offs and leaves. I almost forgot some really important information about myself.

Say it out. It feels lighter that way.

That's one of the sentences that I have come across in my entries. Yes, say it out. But saying needs courage. Yes, I think I have the courage, but there's one more thing: Is there anyone interested to know? It's no use telling everything to a wall, and the wall just throw everything back at you milliseconds later… Yes, chances from people. Time for listening. Needed. If not, what's the point of saying it out…

I wanted to say something, but I am not granted an audience…

Life is full of choices, and most of the time, we can only choose one of them…

Another qoute that I have found. True. One cannot be greedy. One must learn to be contented. One have to stand by his decisions. Do not be brought around by some people who just don't care about you. Have your own stand. Have your own views. Make the choice that you think is the right one for you. Choose the path that best suits you, not your friend, not your buddy. They have their own paths to take.

What's my path? I think it's still covered with think snow, cold fog, and fallen leaves. I am still waiting for the sun to be up, to warm up the fog, to melt the snow, so that the water will wash away the leaves…

Back from JI for 1 day. Gonna go back later in the afternoon…

I love these types of long-duration stuff. It gives me lots of time to think… to decide… to plan…

Thinking of writing some lyrics about deciding to give up waiting or something similar. Maybe that's what I have been thinking about. I am not sure. The idea just pop out suddenly.

Later, perhaps…

This is my second day on the island. Not bad actually. We got to sleep at around 7pm, and we woke up only at 6am! Don’t think we can do this back in camp…

Got to see the sunrise this morning. So nice, the big red fire ball, coming up slowly from behind the industry chimneys… Wished I had an image capture device with me…

Currently waiting for breakfast. I wondered where they had gone. They had gone out before 6am…

10 more days to go… What a long deployment… And no chance to see the planes too… I will be back on 29, but in between, I have offs here and there…

写歌？等一下再说吧！

I am on duty off today. Did guard duty yesterday. Quite relaxed though.

Have been feeling a bit sick since morning. Sort of a bit of cough and sore throat, and a slight temperature, which I was lazy to dig out the thermometer to find out the exact reading. Feeling a bit cold too. Must have got the flu… If things get worse tomorrow, I will have to go visit the MO…

However, one thing brightened my mood up. Got a mail from Taiwan! If my memory did not fail me, this's the first time I am receiving a mail from some other country! It was a birthday card! It's got a cute monkey in front, with lots of cute little designs here and there… although it came 1 week after my birthday, I am still glad to receive!

Yeah, thanks, Xinli! = )

And back to ELove. Did nothing much, except for some stunts here and there. Spent quite some time today playing Gunbound… thus time lost… opportunity cost you see…

Renewed my PDL today! This one lasts till August. Hopefully, I can clear this April Fool's Day test and forget about all these expiry dates… I think I can… = )

Tried to produce a polyphonic ringtone this afternoon. I got it right, but my phone did not seem to be able to play it? This's the worse, unable to enjoy the 'fruit' of my 'labour'… Why? I do not know…

No, I will not give up, not even when I am down… like now…

So boring… nothing to do…

Not even online…

All those who are supposed to go out are out. All those who are supposed to be in are in…

Yes, I managed to stay at home today. I do not want to go out. Yes, you can say that I am escaping. You can say that I am avoiding. You can say whatever you want. I don’t care.

好孤单孤单的情人节
是我的悲伤没有一丝喜悦
都是我的害羞异常的胆怯
就这样渡过个孤独的甜蜜夜

好孤单孤单的情人节
默默坐在屋顶上看着星月
想向你表白又怕被你拒绝
就这样眼睁睁地看着梦想被破灭

想要了解你到底有什么秘诀
偷偷看着你觉得你很亲切
与你面对面却不敢说得直接
难道这就是我的罪孽?

好孤单 ah… alone…

Hope that tonight, everyone will have a peaceful night…

Updated the photos pages this afternoon. Added the latest photos into 3 new sections.

I think I have to re-arrange ELove a bit. I was doing some things and was half way through when I realised that I had created another headache for myself. I think I will have to spend some time drawing out a plan before I continue. I cannot do dashing through blindly like this. ELove is a big project… I cannot give up that easily.

I only give up when there is totally no hope. And since hope is in my motto, how can there be no hope? What am I saying…

Got to wake up at 5 plus am tomorrow! On guard duty!

Finally, I found the midi cables from the music shop at Causeway Point. The two cables were not really cheap, however. Next, I am going to learn the software usage. Next stage please…

Bought S.H.E's new album from Music Junction too. There were 2 to choose from, and I bought the one with the VCD. It came with a free calendar. 2004. Currently listening to the songs now. Not bad, at least I am attracted to all the tunes. Nice…

Collected the photos from the photo shop too! Looks ok, most of them. I haven't take a look at the CD yet. Too many things to do at one time. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow. But definitely not on Sunday. I will be in camp by then…

Will upload the pictures once I am done…

Tomorrow's V-Day… lonely, lonely V-Day….

Went for my driving lesson this afternoon. Quite OK to me, but maybe not to Richard, my instructor… lol

It has been very windy today. I was waiting for the MRT at JE, and the wind blew and my hair… erm.. look like grass… But it's very cooling… I like.

Resumed working on ELove after such a long break. Looks like I have to redo some database structures to make my job easier. I should have used that method in the first place, putting every setting in a separate table, but as I have just learnt some useful functions then, I was quite 'attracted' to them, and thus, this problem that I face now…

I am slowly moving towards my ELove goal… slow and steady, until the next obstacle… who knows what will it be…

Have to book in tonight! Finally (and sadly), I have to return back to Chong Pang. I wonder what has changed? And I will be on guard duty this Sunday! Weekend guard… again!!!!

Maybe, I will have to take a walk to HQ Battery Office one fine day and dig out our guard duty past records…

But actually, I don't mind doing Sunday Guard. It's quite relaxed, with not much people around, except for the duty personnels. And we will have Monday off. Quite OK to me…

I have no one to spend my Sunday with anyway…

21 years ago, on this day, I was born.

And today, much has changed. I am now 1.76m tall, with a weight of 84kg (overweight…). I have grown up. I understand and see things better and from a broader view. I dare not say that I have been through a lot, but, time really flies. It seems that I was only in kindergarten class last week. I have been through what the Singapore Government has placed for education, from PSLE to 'O' Levels and to 'A' Levels. I have been quite lucky to have passed those successfully. I landed myself in schools of my choice, and now, the future university that I want to further my studies. But still, what kind of person will I become ultimately?

People and personalities change with surrounding stimuli. It's just a matter of adapting to the changes. I do not know the future. I do not know what will become of me… yet.

Sometimes, there are things that I do not understand. How I hope that there will be a sibling, no matter older or younger, for me to share my problems. No, this hope is impossible. I can only share my problems with my friends. I can't with my parents. I don't think they will understand. It's too complicated sometimes. Maybe that's how I came up with this webpage's name last time. Chaos Blue: Inside may be very confusing, but looks calm on the outside, like water in a pond. You never know its depth and the little lifeforms in it until you go underneath it and take a closer look.

To some people, a pond is just a pool of water. They just see, and then forget later. But do they know the amount of life in it and the amount of life it can sustain?

Maybe, that's me. I do not understand myself too… Who am I? What am I? Strange thoughts on the day I was born…

Went to Dragon Gate Restaurant for a mini celebration. We had ala-carte buffet. It was not as great as the last time at River City, but we had 2 more people joining in. I did not eat much. Not feeling too well, and remembering a little too well the past experience at River City.

Currently having a headache. Feeling a little hot too. Oh no… Why? Is it I think and hope too much? Sometimes, setting one's expectation too high is not a very good idea. I mean the food. And I also mean some other things…

21st Birthday, and it's just another normal day for me…

Went to K-Box at JEC this morning with Lijian and Zhixiang. Sung lots of songs. Males, females, groups, everything! The price is OK, I think, with sandwiches and a lemon tea for lunch, and it is still under $10…

Well, that's the best place to test out my singing. My voice? How do I rate my own voice? Haha…

Went to West Mall after that to wait for my mother. We were supposed to collect the free phone at the Hello! Shop, but according to the little piece of paper pasted on the counter, the phone is out of stock again! Why, after 2 months, and it's still not available??? Grr…. Earlier, I had combed every floor of the shopping mall looking for the MIDI cable… no where to be found, not even the little shop at the top floor, which sells musical instruments.

In the end, we went back home. I tried playing 'Yong Qi' on the keyboard. I like the effects, although I sure need more practice on that. Some parts of the song were just not right somewhere… If successful, I might record it down and save it as MP3… -lol-

Now slowly recovering from the after-effects of singing too much… have to drink more water… Yeah, this is my second singing session within 2 weeks! Hope that next time, more people will join in… Sing! No matter what kind of voice you have, just sing it out… 😛

Went to PS with my mother this afternoon and bought a portable keyboard! My father 'sponsored' part of the cost, the remaining was my angbao money and my NSF pay. The sound is great! I still need 2 more cables for computer connectivity, MIDI in and out. After that, I will go explore! Into ELove Music!

That's the end of my computer musical upgrade. I am going to stop, for now. There's no need for further upgrades for the time being. Enough is enough. Time to keep the money in the bank.

Yeah, another busy weekend for me. I have lots of things not done yet, and I want to complete them all! I have left ELove untouched last week, and I hope to do something this week. However, I am feeling sort of lazy now. Currently listening to YES! 933. A lot of nice songs. Just now, heard 2 songs from S.H.E's new album. Went to CD-Rama yesterday, but I did not see it. Maybe I will try my luck again tomorrow…

I think I am going to read the instruction manual for the keyboard first. I have to understand it first before I can continue. Tried playing 'Ai Hen Jian Dan' (My version). Sounds OK to me…

2 more days…