Belief@HazelCafe

People are always wanting things. Things they need, things they desire, things they don't need. Why?

Do they just want them for the sake of wanting them? As in, using them for show-off? Or perhaps using them to remind themselves of something else? Or maybe to prove that they can/have the right to have them?

After I got my driving lesson (P Plate!!), I had no particular feeling. Just a stone off my chest. Yeah. I got my license, but I have no car to drive. The last and only time I drove was Dennis' car, from JE to home. I have slammed people for not owning cars themselves, but because their families are rich. Why am I like that. I admit: I am jealous.

Recalled that I am water in a pond (Happy Birthday To Me… ), and recalled some of my craps (A Really Thoughtful Day? ). Yes, I still believe that saying things out will make one feel better. Previously, I had always taken other people's thoughts into consideration before I speak. Now perhaps I need a new “directive”: to suggest and see what happens. If there's resistance, Y.M.C.A. then.

Yes, I am looking through some of my past entries. I remembered Project Flying Heart (Much Things Done… ). I remembered many funny things I did during NS. I remembered the number of guard duties we got every month. I remembered AFS fun times. I remember driving in the rain, both V200 and civilian car. I recalled that my initial layout here was one with a big big sunflower. I remembered the day when I lost my 6610 in camp at night, while I was sleeping (Begone…). Many things… so interesting.

There's one thing in common. When I start writing out some thoughts, they are sometimes, if not always, sad cases. Why? And somehow, something must have happen for me to say that kind of things. I did not specify any names in there, but the moment I read, I remembered.

Maybe, I am destined to be a silent sufferer.

What do I really want? I don't know. What do people want from me? Who knows. What am I trying to do? What can I do?

And I qoute… once again … I can only Hope… And maybe, just try my luck…

Now even I cannot tahan that session_start() error. WTH is Mr Law?? Always disappear at the wrong time. Think I will just move that membership module first, and see what I can do to improve things…

But that will take me 1 month I guess, just to redesign that. Never mind. I shall go do some planning first. It can't be that bad.

And at the same time.. looking for wings (翅膀) to fly…

Why the rain choose to stop? Because it has to. Crap.

I have been telling people not to keep everything to themselves. I have been telling people to talk their problems. Yeah. Then I realise 1 thing: to tell people your problem, you have to find someone who will be willing to listen in the first place. And those who have been telling you to do so are the ones who are there to listen.

So, do I have any? Good question.

Did a research on “session_start(): Failed to initialize storage module”. Looks like I am not the only one…

Alright, now even Xinli has passed. So up to now, there are 2 others, Victor, Emmanuel, and Zhixiang… *shake head* One spent like thousands of dollars and retook don't know how many times, and one spent the last days before the test attending 3-hour lessons, and one has his test date clash with re-service…

Don't think I will go for bball later. Don't have the mood to.

I've kept quiet.

And I hate myself for that.

And now I feel worse. I need a long long break, but I don't have the money to do that.

Maybe, I should just disappear…

Now, I remember what song I've failed to sing that day: 借口. And I think I can proclaim pro standard while singing one particular song… hmm…

I was not really dry for almost the whole day. In the morning, I was wet in the pool. The weather was still OK at that time. It's only we left for lunch at the market that it started to rain. Lazy me of course did not manage to get out the umbrella and open it…

Went home to switch bags and go to Fujitsu Care Centre again. Quite little people (might be due to the rain). Finally got the Loox up and running again! Looks alright to me… If I did not remember wrongly, that woman at counter 6 was the one whom attended to me when I went there to collect my Loox some 10 months ago? Looks familiar. Rather, ALL of them look familiar to me, one way or another. I wonder why?
Quite heavy rain when we finally got out of the building. Shared a cab to Queensway Shopping Centre, where we walked and shopped till our legs could drop. But I did not buy anything. The only thing I bought was a table lamp from Ikea. Been wanting to get one since dunno-when. Had dinner at Alexandra Village. Yummy. Eating there for the 2nd time within a week…

Very tired. Really. I was wondering, does this rain reflect my current mood? Maybe it does, sad, moody, cold… How I wish I can stand in the rain forever, but I will get sick this way. I don't want to get sick.

I want to find a job, tire myself out, earn money, buy whatever I want, save some, and try not to think.

Time is running out. I can only sit and watch…

Just now some guy took over my laptop while I was blogging at Fujitsu. Lucky I submitted the earlier one… and he closed all my MSN windows. Otherwise, I would have strangled him…

Went to the pool. I was wondering why it is so quiet today. When I reached there, I found the gates closed, and the shutters pulled down! There's this little notice, saying that they have some meeting or whatever, and that sports facilities will only reopen at 2.30pm…

Been floating around at JE for the next 2 hours. Went to Popular to look at books, then to Mac to get a drink, before settling down at one of the tables outside Delifrance to stone. After stoning for a while, I went over to the bball court. No one playing bball, but the fans were on, so I sat there and stone…. quite a nice place to stone. Quiet, with the fan blowing, and not so hot. 

Went Fujitsu finally. Saw Junjie and his friend on the bus, going to Queensway Shopping Center. While crossing the road, I saw a familiar 背影. Upon reaching the care centre, I confirmed that 背影 belonged to William… unit friend. Talked to him for a while. Long time never see him, but I think he has put on some pieces of meat on his face… opps… Next came Ye Zhixiang, my primary school classmate! (Why I see so many people today…) Maybe one day, I shall work there, then I can see lots of people… I think it's great to work there… Quite shiok… Hmm… But I don't have the qualifications yet…

So now, I know that, from Redhill MRT station, I can take SBS 145 to Henderson Industrial Park, vice versa… And looks like I will be going down to collect back my Loox tomorrow. Managed to dig out my proof of “entitlement”. I don't want to pay $522!!!

After that, I went back to JE again! Went into the library to check on a book, but as usual, it's loan, in transit, missing, reserved…. In the end I grabbed a book on Flash. I wonder if I will read it…

Went running! Die… my stamina abandoned me, or am I just too tired?

Happy… and sad… which level am I at now?

Some things, I want to say, but I can't. Don't ask me why. I tend to think too much. But sometimes I think too simple also. Depends. Depth… is it necessary sometimes?

Maybe I should just say what I want to say, and no matter what happens, bare the consequences…

Am I ready for that?

Testing… 1 2 3 4 5….

Hahah.. blogging from Fujitsu Care Centre… hmm… not bad.. free internet access… lol

 Hmm…

Rise and shine.. today will be a better day, and today will be a better day, and…

Whatever. Let it go. I think I waited for months.

YESTERDAY is past…… but TODAY is a  PRESENT!

That phrase is just in front of me. Beside a bottle of stars and a small bottle of whatever seeds collected from Tengah Air Base…

No, I don't live in the past. I live in the present and the future. My life is affected by the way others do things. Too “liquefied” an Aquarius…

Belief… I cannot give up on my Belief… But then, what is my Belief? I think I have never really stated it down…

Never mind.

Ok, after complaining, I have gone to see the lyrics. So the song's about this.

Since the singer's a girl, we shall assume girl.

The girl's friend broke up with her BF, and that girl tried to comfort her. But then, she also likes BF (unknown “force” in between them), and starts wondering what will happen if her friend knows about it? She's sad about it, and is hoping that she had never met her friend……

Hopefully the conversion is correct. That's what I see…

Still…. haiz never mind…

Dumb dumb dumb me!

Huh! Why am I staring at the screen??!!

Been repeating 依然是朋友 over and over again. I just love the chorus part.

Ok, breathe in, out…

Sometimes, I based my tasks too much on my preferences. Sometimes, there are 2 things awaiting to be done, and opportunity costs are involved. While waiting for some confirmation from one side, I have to put the other side on hold also. In the end, the one side I am waiting will suddenly back out or black out, and so will the other side after much waiting. In the end, what will I be doing? NOTHING.

I mean it. NOTHING.

Like just now. Like now. Like last time. Like everytime.

I tried my best to put myself everywhere already… I looked at all angles. The results are all the same. Same verdict: Nothing will happen if I just keep quiet. Why bother when people are all busy with something else, when people are not interested, when people are just trying to avoid contact with you?

Why hurt myself time and again over such things?

If there's only 1 such case tonight, I will still be able to take it. But no, not 2. That only makes me feel like a super 白痴.

Felt like playing junk music on the keyboard now, but that will only hurt my ear drums…

Continue to hurt myself? Am I mad?

What rubbish…

Poseidon outing(s)? Don't know. A visit to Fujitsu Care Centre? Don't know. Swim? Don't know. What I can say is, motivation is inversely proportionate to changes. For example, high motivation gives low chances of changes, or high level of compromise.

Listening to 依然是朋友 for the dunno-what-th time, paying close attention to the chorus lyrics.

So, song writing. That song has written it. So, what else can be written?

No 灵感 already… And tunes. I have been stuck to a tune for a very long time. Why like that? I need 灵感.

迟到的雨 就让它冲去 所有的点点滴滴
迟到的雨 就让它慢慢调谐我的心理

Alright, a fool will go swim tomorrow morning. See? Fools can also make decisions…

Crap. Huh!

Went Suntec KBox with Junrong and Lijian. Sing like siao, but not really siao… Because did not manage to psycho any other people to go along! Yeah… avoided all songs requiring more than 1 person.

Tried songs that I wanna, and tried songs I have not touched on for years. Found out that I could sing myself to sleep by singing 同类… *yawns*

Rating of Suntec KBox:
– no one.
– service not very good. Was shocked by that guy asking “what do you want to order?” Isn't he supposed to brief us on the menu for the day?
– siao siao system. Will skip songs…
– the tobacco smell is not that great as compared to neighbourhood ones.

Just now, I was listening to this song. Not bad…

依然是朋友
唱：宇恒
词/曲：宇恒

情人节的前一天　他离开你身边
只剩下你不止境的想念

＊那一夜我陪着你　你哭了一整夜
　你是否知道　我对他一样很想念
　直到有一天　我和他碰面
　在那间　我们常去的咖啡店

＃才知道有些感受　我和他谁都不曾说出口
　我们之间隐藏了什么　除了我自己没人懂
　可是你　你怎么说　你知道后是不是从此避开我 oh~
　我一样难过　多希望我们不曾相识过

Repeat ＊,＃

才知道有些感受　我和他谁都不曾说出口
我们都是最好的朋友　谁会有勇气去开口
不再哭　不再难过　我们还有好大好大的天空 ho~
故事的最后　我们都不曾失去过什么　我们依然是朋友

Hmm…