People are always wanting things. Things they need, things they desire, things they don't need. Why?
Do they just want them for the sake of wanting them? As in, using them for show-off? Or perhaps using them to remind themselves of something else? Or maybe to prove that they can/have the right to have them?
After I got my driving lesson (P Plate!!), I had no particular feeling. Just a stone off my chest. Yeah. I got my license, but I have no car to drive. The last and only time I drove was Dennis' car, from JE to home. I have slammed people for not owning cars themselves, but because their families are rich. Why am I like that. I admit: I am jealous.
Recalled that I am water in a pond (Happy Birthday To Me… ), and recalled some of my craps (A Really Thoughtful Day? ). Yes, I still believe that saying things out will make one feel better. Previously, I had always taken other people's thoughts into consideration before I speak. Now perhaps I need a new “directive”: to suggest and see what happens. If there's resistance, Y.M.C.A. then.
Yes, I am looking through some of my past entries. I remembered Project Flying Heart (Much Things Done… ). I remembered many funny things I did during NS. I remembered the number of guard duties we got every month. I remembered AFS fun times. I remember driving in the rain, both V200 and civilian car. I recalled that my initial layout here was one with a big big sunflower. I remembered the day when I lost my 6610 in camp at night, while I was sleeping (Begone…). Many things… so interesting.
There's one thing in common. When I start writing out some thoughts, they are sometimes, if not always, sad cases. Why? And somehow, something must have happen for me to say that kind of things. I did not specify any names in there, but the moment I read, I remembered.
Maybe, I am destined to be a silent sufferer.
What do I really want? I don't know. What do people want from me? Who knows. What am I trying to do? What can I do?
And I qoute… once again … I can only Hope… And maybe, just try my luck…