Belief@HazelCafe

Sometimes, I hope I can blindfold myself, so that I can use my ears, nose, hands, to feel things rather that look at things.

Never mind, all these will seem crap and rubbish to anyone else.

I blindfold myself. I don't look anymore. For now.

And sometimes, I even feel that, talk less is better. Even for writing blogs. Write less is better.

Decided to take 1 can of Coke Light from the fridge. Hmm..

I have placed the 5 bottles into the fridge yesterday. I had opened one of them. The taste? Strange. I have made up my mind to drink everything up, and not to keep them on display. I shall display the empty bottles.

Disconnected USB things from my laptop. I have no use for the webcam for now. In the beginning, it's interesting, but now, nothing.

Yeah, it's time to let go of more things.

The seeds that I have hand-picked at Tengah Air Base will have their new owner. Or maybe not.

Frame shall remain empty. Certain things will be kept in the drawers. Some things will be returned to their respective owners.

Never mind. All these will be crap to everyone. Anyone understand or can make sense of what I am writing?

?????

Just did a small upgrade to my tagboard. Now, it shows the flag.

Hmm… more to come…

The last song of the album. Hmmm… interesting. Supposedly, Jolin's writing about her relationship (the past). Hey, she wrote that!!! Now I have nothing to write!! Ahhh!!!

Wahahaha whatever… here's the full lyrics:

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But then, you will need the song. Don't worry. Go get the album at any CD shops near you! Lol…

I have just added a new database. It's a conversion table. I shall see what I can do with it. If successful, it will be reflected in my tagboard.

Here are the 2 CDs that I have bought.

I just collected Jolin's CD just now! Wahhahaa!! Haven't even open the packaging yet! Jolin is becoming more and more pretty eh? ooOoo…

And there's Emil! Nice songs also!! oOOoooo

Hmmm.. wondering what should I do today?

Write my secret blog? Wahaha!! Since I have said it's a secret blog, and telling the whole world about it, then there's no secret blog around.

Usually, ???????…

Ok. Decided to complete the game today!

Ok, yeah, why do I want to torture myself? Whahaa…

Yeah be happy. Even if things don't go my way. Even if things never seem to be right for me.

Smile!!!

I shall not be bothered by events. I shall remain me.

Over the past few years, I have been stupid enough. Do I want to continue with this stupidity? Come on, change direction, look elsewhere, and stop dreaming. Welcome to reality.

Letting go, in order to look for alternatives. Giving up, in order for chances to appear.Moving on, in order to be me.

I have tortured myself for the past few years. Enough.

More of my belief:

I always believe that, whatever people choose to tell you, is what they want you to know. Yes, people hide facts. Who doesn't? Things they don't want you to know, they will keep quiet and hope that you will never find out about it. But the thing is, when you have finally found out about it, it can turn into a bad incident somehow. And then, people start blaming each other, and things may turn from bad to worse…

War… is bad…

And there's the question about trust. How many people do you trust in your life? People, as in friends?

Most of the time (last time), I trusted all my friends. I trust that, they will automatically pay me back the money they owe me. I trust that, they will keep their promise. I trust that, if I tell them things about myself, they will be truthful and tell me things about themselves.

I am so wrong. So wrong.

People ran off, keep quiet, act blur, without returning me my money. (I don't mean $1, $5, $10. Those are considered not-that-big sum. Usually I will forget these money until people suddenly remembered to pay me back.) People forgetting this and that, and people with lots of reasons. (valid or not, I shall not comment.) People hiding information here and there.

But I cannot really blame them. It's my fault. I accept all the wrongs. Forgive them.

Then I ask myself, should I let go of them?

… … …

No way!

A friend for me means a friend for life. No matter how infrequent you contact me, or I contact you. No matter what wrongs you have done to me. No matter how deep you have left a scar on me. No matter how many times my heart has been stabbed, you will always be my friend.

I am a Dog. I am destined to trust people, and to gain their trust. I hate to be alone. I like to do things in groups. I need lots of love. Once I feel I am not loved, I will tend to fall sick easily.

I am Aquarius. Eccentric at times. Sometimes temperamental and unpredictable. But what to do? That's me.

I believe that I should really move on. From this moment. On this day. A change.

Don't know why, but my holidays are rarely happy. I think I will be happier in school. Don't know why. Maybe it's due to the fact that there's only 3 people living in my house.

Looking around doesn't improve my mood. Travelling around doesn't help too. Just felt lost.

I wondered who can understand me?

That's a difficult question.

Yeah I don't understand… so who can?

Yeah… lonely… so so lonely…

Lalallalaaa~~~

Whatever!!!

Sometimes, reading here and there makes me think. Why is it like this? And then I come to a conclusion: I am crapp.

But that's true…

Hmmmm… 

Argh!!!!

Headache now…

Breathe in. Breathe out. OK. I am OK.

At the moment, there's nothing for me to be happy about. There's not much for me to believe in. There's little hope. I take back my original EnchantedLove.Net motto of 'love is all around'. Redraw. Delete. Forgive. Forget.

Forgive… Forget…

It's not their fault. They do not know. They don't understand, even if you explain, they also won't bother to listen. Forgive them…

Maybe I should consider hosting couples' website on ELove. It fits. Well, as a package, with all my HazelSky components. Well well…

And then I can become a monk… What a great idea.

Oh yeah, I grabbed a book on Visual C++ 2 days ago. If teaches VC++ 6. I had VC++ 8 in my computer! OMG… different! Wahahaha how???

But the online reference is very comprehensive. Good enough to learn. And I shall learn.

Been flipping through my Japanese book also. Been trying to learn how to write Hiragana. Wondered why, but I can't seem to remember them well enough. Been increasing vocab bits by bits too.

German book has been collecting dust. Hmm…

Aw…

Lallalaa… stone!!!

So sianz. Early in the morning… stoning around. Let's see what I did for the past few days.

On Sunday, I went for a bball session. Played as usual. Nothing much. Abit sianz. On Monday, went for tennis. 2pm. So hot. Now, my skin is burning. So hot!

Supposedly going into JB. Looks like I have a change of plans. Last minute. Someone has decided that job interviews are more important than agreements. For the past few days, I have prevented myself from looking at job ads. Why? Because once I have agreed on something, I will keep my agreement. And once someone initiated a change of plan, don't ever think of changing the situation, because I will never allow him/her to. Mood already spoilt, and no amount of corrective actions will be able to correct it.

Sometimes, it just shows how stupid I am to trust people to stick to their agreements. I have talked to various people about trust. None seemed to give me a satisfying answer.

I should have accepted Lijian's suggestion to swim instead. But as I said, usually is people ps me. What to do.

Currently listening to Emil's new album. Nice. At least it will not run away from me.

1 day. Spoilt. Now I have to look for alternate plans, and I will find one.