Sometimes, I think, why am I working so hard? Why am I doing so much things at one time? Why am I doing things, while others can go off at 6pm, even though they too, have things to do?
The reasons that I have in mind:
- I am the most free. I can work all day, without much distractions. Oh well, maybe I will get distracted when I am doing something important, and some group is having a chit-chat session right beside me. Non-work. That can piss me off sometimes. Some people had already tried this on me. I was super pissed at that time. And sometimes, I get distracted by some other things too…
- I am responsible for what I do. I am assigned something to do, and it is my duty to complete that task to the best of my ability. I don’t like to do things halfway. I want to do things completely. I was very pissed when I was assigned to work on software 1 year ago. And I am still pissed. But I still have to complete my stuffs, to make sure it’s safe, crash-proof, accurate, and reliable. But what I am doing now has not much weight on safety.
- I want it that way. Sometimes, work at night can be a bliss…
- I don’t feel like going home early. This reason is CRAP.
Now, I just want to finish up what I have to do, and move on.
But, I have not much motivation to speed up.
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Sometimes, I will just throw down my programming, and go off to do some hardware stuffs. It’s refreshing. And anyway, I need to understand the hardware, in order to create the software. Why work on software, when you are totally clueless about what you are interfacing with?
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It feels cold sometimes. It feels warm sometimes. It’s complex, complicated, and confusing. I need motivation. When I have something in mind, usually, I will not let go, until that something’s gone. That’s something that I like/hate about myself. Why do I have such perseverance?!
Why, do I not see the end of the tunnel, and yet, I still walk on? I may fall into some hole, and never get up again. Why, do I still carry on?
I don’t know. I just know I have to.
Please, stop me, or guide me along. Please, do not leave me hanging. Please…
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Worked till 9pm tonight. Took cab with Calvin, and got off at Toh Guan. Bought home a half spring chicken rice. Got home via 105 + 79. Bathe, ate, and stoned, and soon, it’s 10.45pm. And now, it’s 12+.
I… have nothing else to say already. I have no motivation to carry on typing.