Belief@HazelCafe

Yeah… believe… and you will survive… believe… and you will experience… believe… and you can do it!

When I keep quiet.. I may be…

1) Sad or pissed about something.
Sometimes, things pissed me off or saddened me, and I just want to shout out, but I can’t. And so, I supress that feeling. It’s bad, because, people generally don’t really know what I am thinking, or rather, they don’t really care what I am thinking.

Of course, once in a blue moon, there are a few that has that ability to know my thoughts. They are so rare…

2) Contribution is of no value.
Sometimes, I keep quiet when I feel that, generally, my voice is being ignored. I feel no point in maintaining a conversation. For example, when I am in a group of 3. 2 are talking. I said something, and they did not make any remark, but still continue with their conversation.

That point of time, I will start thinking, hey, they don’t welcome you in the conversation. Why bother? Stop wasting your breath.

3) Sleeping
废话。But then, most of the time, I am not…

Hmm…

I am, actually, listening…

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Sometimes, I think, why am I often the one doing sacrifices…

I wonder, will anyone sacrifice him/herself, for me?

I guess not.

People generally are self-centred. I have said this lots of times, I think. They think of ‘I’ first, before ‘you’.

Examples? I am sure you can think of lots of them. Be it work, friends, etc, everyday lives.

But of course, there are exceptions. Some people may still remember ‘what about you?’ That’s something to be relieved about.

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Well… today, I managed to push everything away! I could get away early! But then, a change of plans at 4pm changed the plan. Oh well. Change ba. We could squeeze out some time in the future, anytime. Easily.

Do I sound sacarstic enough?

Never mind.

In the end, I ended up eating bedok 85 bak chor mee, and then finishing up all the sotongs…

Never mind.

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I have my reasons for not often taking the front seat of any vehicle transport. But sometimes, I think it’s still bearable.

Just sometimes. Not always.

The feeling will only be felt by me. And only by me.

Wahhaha I am happy that I am disappointed.

…………………………………………………..

Crap…

I hate it when I get interrupted while doing something. I hate it when I get surprises while I am simply walking around. I hate it when 1 thing comes after another, and there’s no one offering to help.

And I hate myself for volunteering myself.

This evening, I saw a screensaver message on kimkiat’s laptop. Boss read it out loud. I forgot the full message, but at that point in time, I thought, that sentence is so true. I shall attempt to find that message tomorrow.

So true that, I just feel like saying out loud.

You know, you being there for someone doesn’t mean that, that someone will be there for you. That same someone may even harm you. And when that happens, it hurts like hell.

…………………………………………………..

Sometimes, synchronisation problems occur. I always think that, in a team, or a small group, while working on something, it’s quite sucky to force a particular person to make decisions. Something that goes in the line like “what YOU want to do”, instead of “what shall WE do”.

My perferred team style is “if you want to die, we die together”. My enemies are those that believes in “if you want to die, die yourself, and don’t pull me in”.

And I am very happy that I am upset over it.

I have died together with people. I wondered if there’s any people who are willing to die with me.

I guess not.

…………………………………………………..

Had a talking cock session just now. Boss said that the company is a great place to gain exposure. Hmm… maybe yes. I exposed myself to lots of things. From renovation projects to PRs to demos to hardware to software to many other crappy things here and there. Yeah. Lots of exposure. Until, everyone looks for you.

I am dying from work. I am happy that I am disappointed. I wondered, if I die, will anyone notice?

I guess not.

…………………………………………………..

Sometimes, you just feel that, people are not interested to listen to you. So what do you do? Walk away, and stop wasting time on them. If they are still humans, they will notice it.

This sometimes just shows how inhuman people can be.

…………………………………………………..

Suddenly, I just feel like sitting down and think what a failure I am, and maybe attempt to redden my eyes, and then sleep, and then wake up, and another better day, maybe.

I guess not.

…………………………………………………..

“To the world you might be one person…but to one person you might be the world”

Ha. Ha. Ha.

One person might be the world to you… but… but…

…

Looking at the things on my table, I think, should I continue?

*Pours everything back into box*

Arrrrrrhhhhhhhh

I don’t know wor…

Doing… things that don’t really… make sense?

Lots of colourful “ingredients” are on my table. How do I make sense out of them?

Hmm…

………………………….

Anyway, NUH called. And for an early appointment, I am to be a group of students’ GUINEA PIG. As in, the doctor will be there, teaching those new docs-to-be, and using ME as a …erm… TOOL…

………………………….

Oh well.

This is not the first time anyway. Looks like I am a good tool…

LOL…

“講你又不聽
聽你又不明
明了又不做
做了又做錯
錯了又不認
認了又不改
改你又不服
不服你又不講”

………………..

The above, supposedly is a classic dialogue in a movie… hmm… ok.. I need to sleep. Find out more later…

Ok, late late today! OT OT OT…

It was actually still early. Around 11pm. I looked at the bus stop opposite, and thought, 51’s a loooong journey, and so, I walked to the 14 busstop. Saw an empty cab, and so, flagged it instead. Ended up at JE. Returned the 2 books (finally!!!), and then, waited for the @#&)!(*@) 143.

Ok, 1 zoomed past while I was book-dropping. I checked my phone, and it said that the next one was 20 minutes away.

Wahliew…

I decided to wait, anyway.

And so, the bus did come; 20 minutes later! Wahliew! Since when the timing so zhun!? If I had walked home, I would be home by then!

Kaoz…

But anyway, sitting at the bus stop, reading some blogs, listening to some songs, and looking at some stars, were not-bad activities. There was a star up that, that was soooo bright that, when I looked at it, it seemed like it was constantly changing colour! Blue, red, yellow, green, blue…

Were my eyes too tired??

Maybe hor… LOL…

Yeah, and now, back home lor, and still very full from the dinner. Aw… shouldn’t have ordered the milo dinosaur… should have teh halia instead. LOL…

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Hmm.. no time to play with toys leh… Maybe, weekends ba… hahaha…

Wahlaoo… how old liao, still play with toys?! tsk tsk..

Woahh… friends and foes, if you are going to Growing Fun to buy things within (I forgot, opps) 1 or 3 months, please give me the receipt hor. I now have a $39.30 receipt. I need another $60.70 to get a lifetime membership. LOL..

Anyway, Growing Fun is a shop that sells educational toys. More for little children I think. So, why was I there today?

I am a little child, you dunno meh? *innocent eyes*

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Ok, went to bright hill today, even though the sky’s never bright today. It drizzled throughout the night, and I just did not feel like waking up in the morning. It’s not everyday that I can nua in bed until around 8am before I reluctantly get out of bed to brush my teeth etc.

Got out of home with my mum before 11. Got the cab. Jam here and there, and finally, got there. Lots of people today, despite the slight drizzle. Found a little space. Just nice someone’s done with their praying. Then the usual pasar malam thingy, laying out everything, light the candles, and the incense, and then into the columbarium. Found the 2 urns: my grandma, father’s side, and my grandma, mother’s side. OOoo…

Then back to outside, waited for a while, looked around, stoned around, then packed up, sent the stuffs for burning, and then, that’s it.

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My mum went home after that, while I went jalan jalan on my own. Took 52 to bishan, and then MRT to bugis! Went over to sim lim square, and ended up buying nothing (well, not that I have anything in mind to buy. I just want to check out a shop, which was closed today). Then, to bugis, and bought korean rice cakes, and a duno-wat potato snack. Took MRT to outram park, transfered to NEL, and ended up at Harbourfront. Went into vivocity, into that shop, and bought stuffs totalling almost $40.

Well well, the shop assistant was soooooo friendly! She’s just the type that’s sooooo suitable to be manning such shops that sell toys for little kids! She had to be a patient mother! Hahahaha!

You know, not all shopkeepers can give you the feeling that, he/she is sooo interested in answering your questions and helping you in whatever way possible.

Yeah… and so.. I just picked up 1 stuff after another. I was expecting $50+… oh well… LOL…

Anyway, I thought great world city had a branch. I checked the website, but it looks like it’s no more. So, I chose the next one one the list lor… vivo. Actually suntec also got 1, but… I lazy to walk there mah…

Wahliew.. didn’t know today can get free rides on circle line… wahliew wahliew wahliew..

I haven’t got on the circle line yet!!!

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And now? Home lor… just finished doing the lame slide, and now, watching tv..

Lalala..

It’s drizzling out there…

I decided to sleep for a while, on the sofa, after watching tv. I ended up waking up only now. LOL…

Yeah… I love to sleep on the sofa… wahaha as if.

Now my back hurts slightly. Damn.

Ok. Time for more sleep…

How about… being in the office, switching on the aircon at 23 degrees celsius, listening to 933 using the 2.1 channel speakers, eating a sugar-butter bun, drinking barley, and doing programming?

Life… your head la!

It’s shit ok. My plan was to get out of office by 5. In the end, I left at almost 6. Finished the modifications that was discussed this morning. Finished the timeout additions that was discussed last week. Finished testing the modifications.

From 12 to 6. Well, I am slow…

But I like it that way! I love listening to 933 and doing work at the same time. I can listen to all those interesting songs now and then, and hum the tunes, can sing along, and move to the beat, and do whatever I want.

And well, heard 二人同行 over the air again… ooooo…

Managed to play a bit of guitar before I went off. Heh… Crazy guitar. LOL.

Ok, dinner, and then, stone!

Tomorrow’s gonna be a busy day…