Belief@HazelCafe

Yes, photo section has been back for 1 day plus. So does about and ideas. So what\'s the big deal about that?

Apparently I have missed out (or did I do that subconsciously?) one photo page… Maybe I will bring it back up. Maybe I won\'t… who cares. Only I do.

Lots of things unexplained here, and I don\'t want to waste my time talking to the wall about it.

Been going into those accounts that I have neglected. Yahoo mail, dexcodesign domain, MIW, snapfish, friendster, livejournal, and even ELove\'s main email address. Seems that things have changed. A lot. Maybe it looks little, but it meant a lot. Some of those accounts already have no meaning for me, so I shall just remove them, or ignore…

不，我不是天使。我不知道什么时候该做什么。我不知道该不该做我该做的事。我不知道。有时很想了解，有时又想置之不理。有时候我也会犯错。有时候我也会有不可思议的举动。怎么说，我也只不过是人，一个活了21年的人。。。

Yeah, keeping quiet is a great skill…

When it's time to keep quiet, do so… When someone's not talking too much, keep quiet. When someone's face's black, keep quiet. When someone left you out when he/she has someone else, keep quiet. When someone's sad, keep quiet and listen if any…

I wonder if it's possible to keep quiet when a person decides to look for you when no one else is around? Like a backup from a main server? Like something placed in a dusty shelf for years, and suddenly, you realised that thing is there all along? Like… like anything else… I ran out of ideas…

When something's wrong, revert to ignore mode? When something's wrong, look for something that has enabled you to solve the problem previously, only to forget all about it later once again? When something's wrong, go to sleep and try to forget about it?

When something's wrong, I wonder where will I be… When it's time to keep quiet, I wonder if I will be able to…

Come think of it, I have always come across the above scenerios. As always. Why?

Something's wrong again this time. Whenever I feel that something's wrong, the server will be offline. It's like a synchronised moment against me. Without knowing what's wrong, how can I solve the problem? No way. I guess, even if I know, I can't do much too…

Ok, what I did on Monday. Went to Suntec at 1630 to jalan jalan with a few friends. Then at 1800, we went to Kuishin-Bo for our Japanese buffet dinner! Although the price was a bit high (around $34.40 each), the food was great! If we had paid according to ala-carte prices, the 7 of us would have to pay a total of $400+… that's how high their menu prices were… We had last-minute plans to watch Shrek 2, but due to time constrain and Eng Wah's totally booked for some occasion, we decided otherwise…

Tuesday. Swim! As usual, the weather's like last Thursday. Cloudy, windy, want-to-rain outlook. In the end, it did not! As usual swam 10 laps and went countless rounds in lazy pool lazing around… tried front crawl, but felt awkward… something's wrong also…

Got my NUS package yesterday! Freshman guide, accomodation application, camps, etc. I only need the first booklet I think. Come think of it, I wonder who will be in the same faculty as me? I know some are, but they have chosen some other things rather than electrical. But I am not 100% going into that. Have to wait for their reply next month. I need to find a familiar face in electrical, if I am really going into that… and I think I should be able to. Familiar face doesn't mean I need to know the person by name… 😛

This server's unstable. Who knows when it's going to be down again?

This morning's rain's great, and not great. Great is that it cools down the temperature a lot. Not great is that it had spoilt my running plans this morning.

In the end, I spent my morning doing up all my pages. I am currently working on the photos section. I have to redo all the photos, resizing them in order to achieve a smaller file size. I am also thinking of using something that is so-called an image server, so that whenever I 'shift house' or do something else, the photos will still be there. I guess I will leave that to next time.

Going out to Suntec later… time for a break.

Went shopping with Mom just now. Bought a new pair of Teva sandals! Traded in my old pair which gave me problems yesterday.

It’s another Sunday today. Did nothing much, but why am I still that tired… maybe being slack is tiring… hahaa…

On Monday, I will have to make a choice. Swim in the afternoon/evening, or go out with friends for dinner? … think I have something in mind…

This is an online updating of my blog. It should go through, as it did go through when I tested it locally just now…

Went over to Zhonghui's house to help him solve his computer's 'mystery'. Somehow, his modem got disabled (probably by some worm) and he could not go online. I enabled that and went online for a virus scan at Trendmicro. His computer was full of worms! Netsky, Beagle, Sober, etc… these were spreaded through email! Apparently he did not have any form of protection against these things. I installed an antivirus program for him. That will save him lots. Better be safe than sorry…

On my way home, I found out that one part of my sandals had came off! I was still able to wear that though, but I had decided to buy 1 new pair, just in case. I went for a walk around Bukit Panjang Plaza, West Mall, and JEC, and my efforts were wasted. All the shops I went to did not have the one I was looking for. So I went home with my little torn sandals… if not for the time, I would have travel down to JP (argh, not again..) to look around!

Project ChaosVersion is well underway. The most flexible part is already up (this). The rest, I will just need to do a bit of a conversion here and there. I have somehow chosen 'Belief' as my new URL. This word just popped into my mind while I was thinking over this little problem yesterday. Yes, I believe I can fly free. I am, soon, next month. I will be free from NS.

就像海鸥一样，飞吧！飞得高，才看得远。。。 sounds familiar…

This little entry is being updated on my computer. I am currently doing a renovation of my webpage, so I do not want any changes to be made online for the time being.

Gonna somehow persuade Emmanuel to install an antivirus scan engine on the server. That will prevent people from getting the stupid Netsky and such worms and virus. Overall, it's worth it. It all depends on him, however. It's HIS configuration. I am just a guinea pig. 😛

Went to IMM with Mom this morning! Went shopping at Giant. Bought some of these, some of that, quite heavy. I bought “The Eye 2” from TS! The filming and scaring method is about the same as “The Eye”. Nothing much surprising.

By right, I should be in camp now. But due to a battalion stand down, I am here! But who cares where am I. I am just a nobody. I belong to no one, and people only look for me when they are in trouble. If someone proves me wrong, well, that person's also providing evidence for me… Think about it…

Currently looking at the after-effects of the previous swim… I am back to Tekong days…

Lazy to write anymore…

It's back? I wondered if I can update? Test… if it's possible, the previous missed entries will be back…

Should I feel relieved or what? No special feelings actually. I am numb.

Drop everything else from my mind…

Went for a swim at 10am. Swam for around 20 minutes and the rain came for around 5 minutes, after which the sky cleared! Looks like my luck's not bad also, but not as good as someone else's.. 😛

I lost count with the number of laps I had swam. I just swim, and swim, and swim, with stops in between to look at the sky, to look at the surroundings, and of course, to look at the people…. Not much people today actually. I waited in the pool till 12, when Zhiwei and Eddy arrived (finally!). They had rented the floats. I did not. I just hitch a ride on them… haha…

Left the pool at around 2.30pm! Oh no… too tanned already. Have to go hide from the sun or perhaps swim early or late… I don't want people to speak to me in Malay when I go out… -lol-

Yeah, get everything off my mind…

Maybe I should just go back to Square 1, where I set out to correct last year. For me, Square 1 means being quiet, hide in a lonely corner, doing my own things, never caring what others think. But can I? I have worked hard to get out of that hole. And yes, it's easy to fall back in.

Being in the RSAF has definitely opened my connections. Previously (in schools), I tend not to speak up unless called upon. Now, I speak to my superiors where necessary, and sometimes even joke along with them! I have also made many friends along the way. Some ORD, some posted out. We still keep in touch however.

Completed my FFI today. Everything's alright. I got Dr. Eugene's referral letter to NUH for my skin. The appointment's next Friday. Let's see what the specialist (yeah should be a dermatologist) will say…

Some things just managed to break my heart today. I think it's stupid that this kind of thing can actually bring me near to tears… But then, I don't have any reason to cry. No. That is not a good reason. I am quite used to that actually. It hurts for sure, but I can't do much. It's beyond me. Beyond what I can correct. Beyond my limits…

Let them go… Let them look for better pastures… Grant them their freedom… They have the right to make a choice during these times, to look for something more reliable…

Yeah I admit. I get upsad quite easily. I am easily moved. I get angry easily too. But I try to limit myself. Control my emotions. Think of other things. Smile. Close my eyes. Sleep.

I guess, this wound's going to take a real long time to heal. It's a deep cut… It's still bleeding… It hurts…

Ouch…