Belief@HazelCafe

It's about time for some change. I need a change soon. The timer is going one step towards its goal every day, and soon, it will be going into positive timing. Time for a change, a change of subdomain name (no more ChaosBlue.EnchantedLove.Net), a change of paths, and maybe, a change of heart…

Now I think I know what's wrong. Sometimes, people look for me when they are facing problems. But, where are they when I am facing problems… yeah I am sort-of a backup to some people, no one's free and usually I will be… Usually, I have to deal with problems myself, no external help needed (even if needed, who cares?), and usually, I can achieve what I am trying to work towards. Nowadays, however, it's getting harder…

Life's like this, a struggle…

Something's really wrong… just what is it…

Currently listening to 音乐日记 on 933. So nice, the stories. So touching, so romantic, and sometimes, so 肉麻… Perhaps, I day, I shall write in too. Tell them about MY side of the story. I just love the music and songs that they choose to play along with the stories. So nice…

Emmanuel said that he might have to switch server, which means that, perhaps, my database will be lost. I don't mind the EnchantedLove.Net's database being lost, but I don't want my chaosblue database to be lost! over 200 entries built over 2 years! When I get back the webpage, I will put in precaution measures… I will make it a point to send a soft copy to my email… for safe-keeping.

Something's still not right… the feeling's not there… the mood's icy cold…

Felt lost… somehow. Where's the nearest bouy? … -_-

No, ELove not up yet. Today's the third day!

Suddenly, it started raining just now. It's just like my mood, a sudden change. I do not know why.

It's now cool, for the time being. The sun will be out later, drying up all the wetness, providing warmth, providing rays of hope. That's what I need now.

Borrowed a book yesterday. No one will actually believe that I borrowed this book! Macroeconomics is the title. I had dropped Econs during J1, but why, of all books, did I choose to bring that book home? Will start looking through once I have the mood to do so.

I don't actually like the library at JP. Most of the time, I cannot find the books or references that I wanted. This is so unlike Woodlands, where I can always find some books that interest me. Perhaps 'regional', being bigger, will have a wider range of books… Still waiting for Jurong Regional Library to open on 5th June!

I don't have the mood to do anything much today. I actually decided to go back to bed when my alarm rang this morning! Something's wrong. Even when talking to people, I don't feel right. Something's wrong somewhere…

Hopefully the rain did wash away some remorsefulness…

So Free…

Written on Tuesday, 18th May, 2004, at 08:34pm.
Location: Home. Weather: Warm. Mood: -_-

Can't believe it. I am actually watching the ending of Daddy's Girl and Heartlanders on Channel 5! I am so free! Got to watch Incredible Tales later. I had missed quite a few episodes due to forgetfulness and timetable clashes. Interesting stories of the supernatural. It was this show that started out our 'Sessions' at night, talking about those happenings… It's an interesting topic, as all of us are curious. Do they really exist? …

Went for a swim just now. The weather was so hot, even though there's an hour of rain in the morning. The water's warm, even in the wave pool! Can you imagine… Swam at least 10 laps. I had lost count, going laps after laps. I just want to forget everything, but it's difficult. Can someone just hit me on the head, so that I can lose some part of my memory due to amnesia? Haa touch wood…

Tomorrow's FFI Day #2! Going back to camp late afternoon for my ORD medical checkup. All should go well. There's no reason for this to go wrong…

I don't care when ELove's going to be up. I have given up hope for this week. This's just not my week. Not my provider's too. Not everyone else's… but things will recover, don't they? That's something I will choose to look forward to, instead of complaining this, complaining that, and nagging, and nagging, and nagging…

Below's a copy of the email that I have sent…

I can't do anything else. I can only sit here and wait for the server to be up. It has been 50 hours of downtime for EnchantedLove.net, and not even the technicians know what went wrong.

I can't do anything else. I can only hope for the best. The best is that the emails accounts will still work, but sadly, they are not. All the emails sent to those accounts will have been returned back to their senders, with the error “host name lookup failure”. The senders will think that EnchantedLove.Net is dead when it has not.

I can't do anything else. I can only pray that the faults be corrected as soon as possible. This kind of downtime is gravely unacceptable. EnchantedLove.Net's reliability has dropped to near 0, and trust is so directly related to reliability. I do not know what to say to those who have been so supportive of EnchantedLove.Net. I do not know what to do to make up for their losses. I do not know what else is within my abilities to lessen the hatred, the disappointment, and all those negative feelings.

I can't do anything else. I can only apologise. That is the most I can do now. I am sorry for the email failure. I am sorry for the unsent and rejected mails. I am sorry for the webpage failure. I am sorry for EnchantedLove.Net's downtime. I am sorry for everything, to everyone who are affected one way or another by this atrocious problem. But then, not all wounds can be healed, not all harms can be undone, not all holes can be patched up, with this 5-letter word. I can't possibly turn back time and stop this from happening. No I can't.

I can't do anything else. Maybe I shouldn't have asked you to be part of EnchantedLove.Net. Maybe I should have just used this domain for myself. In that case, I will be the only one affected. Maybe I should not have started this domain name at all. In that case, no one will be affected. But then, how can I be so selfish, to have used this account of 250MB all myself, when I could have shared it with people like you, when I could have made some people smile, when I could have left some hope in others? No I can't.

I can't do anything else. I never expect this to happen. This is the first time I have encountered this problem. Hopefully this will be the last. Who knows, the server might be up while this email is being sent. However, life is full of turbulence, full of eddy currents, full of uncertainties. Who knows what will happen in the next minute? We can only endure through the rough waves, make things more systematic, and carry out the correct procedures when something really happens.

I can't do anything else. I can only write this, seeking your understanding. I am sorry.

I appreciate your kind support that you have given EnchantedLove.Net over the months, and I hope that you will continue to do so. Thank you for your time.

Regards,
Choo Liang Kwang
Chief Administrator
EnchantedLove.Net

This afternoon, 2WO Tony decided to give us all ORD personnels a LWE! That was quite a miracle! He seldom gives offs for no reason… Felt a bit bad for claiming back the off today, but then, I really need that to keep myself away from that COC… He said this to us (he was looking at me…) when we were going off, 'see, don't be so calculative with me…' Opps…

Took Ah Goh's new car back to JE just now. Nice black Altis. Quiet engine… so nice of him to drop the 3 of us at JE. He was on his way to fetch his wife from work. Had dinner (duck nice) at the coffee shop at the corner. Not that bad…

I think I will be selling off some of my things. I have 1 wireless keyboard and mouse, and a CD-ROM drive which I will not be using. Who will buy I wonder? Hahaa…

Planned a basketball session on Sunday! It's been a few weeks since we last played! Time for some jumping around! And I want to swim swim swim!!! Water's my world! I have learnt to avoid 'obstacles' in the water, be it humans or floats. Sometimes, in the lazy pool, I will go under those floats just to get ahead of the people (provided their legs' not in the water…). And those swimmers in the olympic size pool, either they thought they were in the right of way or some other reason, they don't give way to others! But then I had learnt to siam. Siam left, right, and even under that person! Haha… water's MY world… even though I only use (or, only confortable with, or only know) breast stroke… Tried free style before, but somehow, not very smooth… lack of practice maybe. Well, the most important thing is, one cannot do free style while underwater right? That's my favourite…

Luckily, this afternoon's weather was not so bad. Had a great swim. Been going in circles at least 8 times in the lazy pool, playing with the waves 3 times in the wave pool, and swam a total of 10 laps… Yeah, the sun was hot, but the water was cool enough, although the ground which we had to walk across from one place to another was really hot! Ouch…

Actually, I enjoy swimming. Not just going up and down the lane, but swimming at my own pace. I also like to laze around in the water, looking at the sky, the people, all… -lol- today's not that much people. Perhaps it's the exam period…

Been doing some cleaning and tidying of my home's store room this morning! Lots of things! Found some of my old toys; my Lego collection, my fleet of toy cars, some action figures, 3 electronic keyboards, and 1 toy guitar! Haha… I had put them back into the store room though. No place for me to display them! Room's cramped enough with my stuffs already.

Switched back my phone to N6108 since I had to return back to camp for my FFI. I decided to go back tonight, and try to go negotiate for a change of off date. I prefer to use tomorrow's off next Friday. Run away from another COC…

Bye for now…

After installing those bluetooth and irDA adaptors, I think my computer has become a heavily-tasked machine! Take a look at my taskbar! It has so many icons!

Oh yes, that Monday, after we ate, we went bowling! I did not know how I had done it, but my score was 139! My highest record! Got a total of 4 strikes (got a turkey!) and 1 spare. I was thinking, hey, ridiculous, me knocking all the pins down 3 times in a row… Perhaps the initials of ‘XiAoLiAnG’ could do wonders? My name was ‘XL’ for that game… next time try again… -lol-

Watched ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’ (again) yesterday afternoon. I was so fed up with ELove codes that I decided to take an ‘indefinite’ break. Nice show actually. Liked it!

Been doing some tidying up of my room once again this morning! The early rain had spoilt my swimming plans for the day. I managed to tidy up all my computer stuff! Threw away some 20 over old floppy disks! Found some interesting files in some of them though. There was one with my homepage-in-a-floppy attempt (yeah, as the name goes, ‘flop-py’…), 4 years ago. Surprisingly the disk could still be read without any problem.

Sent the Genting photos order for developing at Jurong East this afternoon. After that, I decided to take my time and wait for the bus at the interchange in order to go to IMM. I like to go there, even if I have nothing to buy, a walk there will be nice enough for me. And with this afternoon’s hot weather, I think I have made a correct choice, to go there and enjoy the air con… Took in walk inside Giant. Nothing. Went to the DIY shop. Bought some screws, a light bulb (a correct one, finally!), and a telephone line spliter for my parents’ room. Nothing much actually, but I am very happy… Dunno why also… strange…

Try my luck for a swimming session again tomorrow morning. Hopefully tomorrow will have a nice sun! Yeah, I love rain, but I don’t when it spoils my plans… But today’s rain was good. At least I got to sleep a while longer… 😛

Went to Sim Lim Square yesterday afternoon. Went shopping once again! This time, I bought a bluetooth USB adaptor from Belkin, an irDA adaptor, and an USB hub. I do not know why, but the irDA connection does not seem to be stable. The bluetooth connection is great, except for the phone’s own bluetooth problem, which needs me to turn off and on the phone in order to reset it. The problem is that when I tried to end an active connection, it will show me ‘disconnected’, followed by a never-ending ‘disconnecting’ message. When I pressed the ‘cancel’ button, I cannot switch off bluetooth or access any of the bluetooth menu… Got to find Nokia Care Centre one day and tell them about this problem… Another problem is that with the ‘Go to’ menu. When I choose ‘make a note’, it brings me to the calendar, which is not what I want to do! Bad software… : (

OK, overall, bluetooth is great. The transfer speed is fast enough, although a cable connection will be faster. I’ve just used it to transfer 3 Mp3s to my phone! Now I can transfer those pictures I’ve took directly to the computer! The above photo is one of them.

Went out with the rest for dinner at Kallang Theatre. So-called international buffet. Not that bad, and not that good either. Due to an earlier argument about punctuality and meeting place, the atmosphere was not very pleasant at the beginning, but after a while, it became better. Eating was more important? Maybe.. -lol-

Think I am going to need lots and lots of water today… got the feeling of getting a sore throat, fever, flu… not very nice, especially when I am on leave… Going to rest…

Resting is a bit hard. I don’t want to sleep all my time away… haha… I think I got better things to do. But if it’s that bad, I’ve got no choice… rest for a better day tomorrow. Supposedly going to swim at JE tomorrow morning…

I wondered what am I doing at ELove…

Been stuck at the invite page for the whole day. Did not seem to be able to visualize what I was trying, or wanting to achieve with that page. What happens if user is logged in? What if logged-in user is not the invited person? What if the user has an account, but under a different email address? What if it is a new user? So many possibilities, resulting in different outcomes. Each one of them needs to be considered. I am still stuck here.

I have since removed all the pages under groups and member as I need the database to be untouched when I work on the pages. DB upgrade too…

Ahh…. *close frontpage, close internet explorer, close phpmyadmin*…. maybe I will have better luck later…

Gonna be a busy Monday. Purposely planned lots of things for myself: Go Eddy's house, then go Jianliang's house, then go Sim Lim Square, then go for makan session with the rest…

Forget about ELove for now… think about other things…

Now I am thinking… what was my Project X supposed to be? So classified, I don't even remember what it is! Or do I, and I am trying to avoid it? Don't know… Don't wanna know… keep that project there. I guess, 1 day, everything will be known…

Project X… what will my choice be?

Been doing nothing much today. Waked up by my phone's alarm clock at 0730! Did not feel like getting out of bed. It's been such a long time since I had such a long sleep…

Went to West Coast with my Mom for breakfast. Had Yong Tau Foo Laksa! mMMmmm fattening, but nice, once in a blue moon… I am going to start one of my Projects on Monday anyway, no harm eating something good this weekend… 😛 Went home after visiting the market and buying some veggies and meat. Nothing much…

Been playing around with my Nokia 6230 for the whole afternoon. It's so great to be able to have a 16-chord polyphonic ringer! The ringtones sound so much nicer now. And I realised that I can also use sounds as ringtones! That will be useful… tried searching for any blue tooth device around the area: none. Tried sending pictures and ringtones over to Nokia 7250: failed. Customised my contacts, deleted some useless phone numbers, and changed some phone settings. Just downloaded a cute little doggie for use as my wallpaper, and also another nice picture of the most good-looking person from LOTR. Also, I modified a ringtone and uploaded it to IguanaMobile. Yeah, it sounded much better!

In order to play more, I need bluetooth devices! Wait till I get my bluetooth and IrDA USB adaptor… I shall rage my phones… hahaa opps…

For the past few weeks, I have been glued to 梁静茹's CD, especially CD 1. Just loved the songs in there, Fly Away, 听不到，勇气，分手快乐… all the songs, the melodies, the voice, the feeling… wow… Maybe I have a preference over these types of songs. Another song that I have been repeating is Mavis Fan's Rain. Nice…

If I can, I hope to convert all these songs to MIDI format! Use them as ringtones!

Received an alert from JobStreet.com! Creative's looking for temporary Product Promoters & Event Coordinators for its upcoming Creative Warehouse Sale! Why so early? Why not after 12 june??? Sad… cannot even apply for it. That fit all my job criteria… 🙁