Belief@HazelCafe

Yeah, another Saturday. 这一个没人要的男人又独自出门了。Went over to Bukit Gombak again to help Dennis pass money to his driving instructor. By the way, he passed the test!

接着，我又去了Woodlands。 走了不到一个小时，我就离开了。不知道为什么，今天没有什么想逛街的兴趣。 I even decided to take MRT home instead of taking a bus, which I often chose as I want to take my time. But not today. I even gave Woodlands Library a miss…

I think I will have to work on my ELove.Net fast… it's taking too long, and more things are coming in. Lately, I have to open up another section, ELove Diaries, but currently, it's only in beta test phase. And I don't think I will open that to all people.

这一个没人要的男人，除了做这一些事之外，还能做什么呢？花言巧语不是我的专长。甜言蜜语我只会一点。不过，也许我有的，别人没有。那是什么，我不知道。以后，或许会有人会知道吧。。。

OK, someone's flying away to Australia. Take care… will miss ya~~ wahahaa 😛

Australia… did I mention that I have a relative living there. Yeah, migrated there after their marriage. I see her once in a blue blue blue blue moon… air tickets not free, you know… Have a friend studying there too… forgotten which part.

I should have gone to the country 2 years ago, near November, but due to some safety concerns (which I thought was more about money), the trip was cancelled. Wasted! And at that time, I was already quite prepared for it, passport, stuffs, etc… what a disappointment…

Now, the furthest I've ever went during NS was Pulau Sudong… and that reminds me of the picture in one issue of Pioneer, the back page. I could see my DH… hahaha…

Going once, going twice, gone…

I need to do something else… quit thinking…

Been having some strange sleep moodes. Sleeping at 2, waking at 7 in the morning. For what I do not know….

I can barely open my eyes now… but I have to…

Finished reading another book: Rainbow Days by Josephine Cox. ALthough the ending's a bit rushed, the story is still alright. The author's storylines for the 2 books that I have read so far look similar… in one way or another. Same kind of love, one party using any method just to get the other's love, that kind of thing…

I did not borrow any fiction books today. Lazy to go find. Saw the carrot there… lol strange but I seem to meet many people today! William at the Clementi Station, saw a guy from my sec4 class next door at the interchange, some familiar faces in an orientation group from who-knows-where, and lastly carrot… hmm…

When to hand in the CPF form. It was like: Go in. Give form. Go out. The end… within 5 minutes, Melvin and me were on our way out of NUS. Fast… and I waited for him at the interchange for half an hour! hmph…

Later… see how… Thursday…

It rained early in the morning. It rained again just now. So cooling… I wondered if it rained elsewhere? Eastern part of Singapore?

There was a power cut off last night. I was doing something on the computer when suddenly, everywhere's black. I thought that my CPU had overheated again, but no, outside's dark too. Then came those shouts and whistles from elsewhere, indicating power failure…

It's not as dark as it seemed. There was a moon. A nearly round moon. When I put my hands out of the window, I could see the shadow. What a bright moon, even though I could not see it from where I was. The mobile phone could still be used, as SMSes came through. My phone was on low batt… Using my mom's HP, I listened to NewsRadio and found out that the power failure was due to some gas supply problem..

See? So easy to shut down Singapore…

Lifts were ringing non-stop. The ringing made me wonder why the lifts do not have a emergency power backup for the lift to travel downwards when there's a need to? I know that some lifts have the autopark at 1st level when there's a fire alarm, but why not when there's a power failure? Assuming that power failure will not happen?

OK, been making an IDEA tunes for the past few days. Sounds alright to me… will put it up here when it's ready… I still have some parts to finetune.

Going to settle the CPF thing today! Back to NUS again…

Too tired… too sianz, to say anything more, but I shall.

Tired I was, and yet, I kept to swim session. But no, others don't. Tired I was, yet I free up my time for some things. But no, others don't. Tired I was, getting people to do something together. But no, others don't.

JE, Ubin, East Coast, West Coast, Pasir Ris. No one, not a single one, maybe an occasional one or two.

Please, will it rain now… I don't care, I want rain…

If I have a bicycle now, I think I would have cycled all the way East, or all the way North, East to Bedok, North to Yishun. Bedok Jetty. The hot spring at Gambas Ave. But no, I don't. I don't have the ability to own one now.

Sianz… this will be a miracle. Akira Hikaru, offline on a weekday.

Monday was a busy one. Went for a badminton session in the morning with a group of friends at Jurong East. Although there's 2 people I did not know, it did not affect game play too much. It did have a slight effect…

Went to collect my Hong Kong stuff! lao po bing and the eggrolls! Yummy stuff! After that, the same few NS people went for dinner at Tian Tian Steamboat Buffet in Bugis. The food's alright lar, nothing special. But when the crowd came, the people there were a bit messy in their serving, and each order came later than the next… a bit sianz. Yiliang brought his gf along, and she did looked a bit sianz eating with us. We did not seem to find any topic that we could talk on, which was bad. It was like we were eating and talking away, and there she was… a bit out of place. Just like me this morning at the badminton court. A bit out of place, …but I could survive… maybe…

I want to sleep… let me forget some things…

Will my hair turn brown tomorrow?

I've said before that unless something disturbs or upsets me too much, I won't have my hair dyed. Looks like I've fulfilled that requirement. Something just fail to cheer me up, although my smooth work on ELove is driving me to heaven…

Guess I shall take it as a form of upgrading…

Smoky Fire…

To myself…

Wake me up inside…
Come on! Open your eyes, look at the world, it's seems to be round, yet it isn't. You think things are fine, but they are not. You wait, and there goes your chance. Can you afford to wait a lifetime for one thing, or you go clarify your doubts and move on?

Call my name and save me from the dark…
People think they know me. No they do not. So far, there isn't anyone who really knows me. What they see is only me, physically. Knowing my name's nothing. Knowing my name doesn't really mean I am under protection. The dark? Anything I choose to label as 'dark'…

Bid my blood to run before i come undone…
Am I still alive? Doesn't feel like it. Can someone put some life into me? Life? I don't think I have any. Never.

Save me from the nothing i've become…
I have always been 'nothing'. I do exist, and I don't. I survived, but actually not. What am I? Yeah, perhaps, I really am 'nothing'… Null, nil, blank, void.

Survive, or begone… There's no one else who can help you make changes except yourself. Who cares anyway. No one does. And I have not been proven wrong so far.

Can someone care to prove me wrong? Anyone?

Ok, here are the reasons for saying 'I have something on' to the ODAC personnel.

(1) I don't want to go alone.
I do not really like to go for those events, activities, on my own. I prefer to go at least with one or more friends. Yes you are a friend, but you have your own friends too…

(2) I had my own plans for the week.
The camp's 4 day. Monday's the first day. Monday, I have a badminton session. In the afternoon, I have to go collect my Hong Kong stuff from a friend. At night, I have a dinner. Tuesday is a day to settle NUS tuition fee applications, and most probably a swim at JE. Wednesday and Thursday are still free, but Friday, I have a tea session with my primary school classmate(s). At 5pm, I have my dental appointment. If they have called earlier, I would have been available. Too bad…

(3) The Fee…
I don't want to spend money, not now. I am trying to save here.

(4) Instinct Reply
When the call came, I gave a negative answer straight away, without even thinking! Maybe if I even bother to think through, I may have a different answer.

(5) Packing Siao…
The packing of personal items will make me think of field camp… although field camps' fun, but then, just lazy… not a very good reason…

Enough reasons? No? Well, these are just typical excuses for not going. I am always rejecting this, rejecting that. What am I trying to do? So siao that I keep asking people to go a few weeks ago, and when I got a ray of hope, I gave up? What do I want?

Maybe I will use Wednesday and Thursday to think about it…

In the meantime, I hope the camp's will be an adventurous and interesting one, and may it be blessed with good weather throughout, although rain will make camping even more fun! See how to 'survive' in wetness…

Now, is that a curse or a blessing? You all decide…

Things happen all the time. Good or bad, we never know until they end.

Take my example. Lijian has somehow, itchy hand, went to submit an application form for ODAC under my name. Just now, one of their people called me regarding this. I rejected them on the spot. No questions asked. That's my way.

No way am I going to things at the last minute. No way am I going to make things difficult for others by changing those dates and times agreed on earlier.

But then, while I am thinking of others, people do not think likewise. Maybe, at the last minute, they will ask for a postpone for the meet-up. Maybe something will happen. Then, as usual, I will be left around, all alone, like being stranded at sea…

I hope the above scenerio won't happen. I rejected ODAC because those other agreements came before the call. If I am free on monday, then what else can I say?

Consider me as a person with bad luck then…

Went for swimming session this afternoon! Lots of people, even though it rained earlier. Our swimming group is getting bigger! ORD, that's why. Later's the first Saturday bball session in years! Long time never get to play bball on a Saturday morning. Forgotten how it felt already! It's great to be free, doing whatever things I want…

As usual, I hope for good weather for the rest of the week… the wave pool feeling is still in my head… zzz