Yes. The end. The end of everything. Every exams. At least for me. Now it's time for the overall review.
I am going to do very very badly for this semester. Unless everyone does just as bad, I think I am not going to be too happy with what I see a few weeks later.
Why? I went into the exam hall with lots of question marks in my head still. I just don't seem to concentrate on studying this semester. And one question keeps popping up in my mind. One question that I never get to ask and therefore, no answer.
How am I going to survive if I take 6 modules next sem, if I continue at this rate?
Or, will I be in NUS next sem……
Now into the different modules.
(1) Physics PC1432
This is the very first paper. Not really well prepared for it, but at least I still can do some questions. Left blanks here and there. Survived Midterm rather well due to a good use of dice: common sense.
(2) CTW EG1431
Test on critique writing. I like the module, but I just don't like to write, especially when there's a time limit. I believe I wrote quite a lot of crap in there, and it's a bit short too. No time to finish writing what I wanted to write, so in the end, I wrote the conclusion and the reference section first. The paragraph before the conclusion was a bit out of topic in this case. Got 74 for the CA critique and 71 for the PP. Quite a low mark for the PP, but I expected it to be worse than that, so that's not too bad.
(3) Mathematics MA1506
Totally wrong focus. I studied too much on formulas rather than the concepts. Wrong direction right from the very beginning. That resulted in me giving up almost 4 questions. In the end, Maths power did not return to me… I think I returned them to Mr Leong and Mr Tham already. Died in Midterm also.
(4) Management And Organization MNO1001
Totally crapping through the whole paper. Due to lack of practice, I was not really sure what to write and what not to write. Not going to survive too well, although for the project, we got a B+.
(5) Data Structures And Algorithms CS1102C
*shake head* Died for Midterm. Died for PE. And now this…
I just cannot find the required momentum to swing me into study mood!!!
Today's the last paper for me. The rest still have other papers, so we decided to have an outing only after everyone has finished on the 6th. Went over to Munchie Monkey for erm.. lunch. Quite crowded today, perhaps due to the end of tests at 3pm. I waited really long for my spaghetti. I was ready to 翻桌 when it finally arrived. What a way to spoil my appetite. The rest were finishing up their food soon, and I just started. Never really get to enjoy the food. Anyway, the spaghetti lacked the “springy” feeling. Slightly overcooked. Or perhaps it's the sauce. Or perhaps my appetite was already spoilt.
How much do you like waiting for a sms reply that never come? I don't. I don't like to stare at my phone every 10 seconds. I don't like to check my phone to see if there's reception and that it's not in silent mode. I don't like to put my phone on the table and risk it being stained with whatever sauces and liquids. But a sms just never come…
But then, what if there's really a sms reply? So what? What? I don't know. Why is it so difficult to find people to just go out for a walk here and there, for a short movie, just to relax a bit? Access denied…
Took a lift on Edwin's car to Bouna Vista, where I took the MRT to JP. I could not think of anywhere else where I can really walk alone. I do not wish to end up at the Esplanade today, even though it's a good place. But then, JP's nothing much. Nothing new. Still the same old JP. I went in and went out. In less than 1 hour. Bought a DVD and some cream and toothbrush and, finally, a small mocha ice-blended. Coffee bean. I did not think that small cup was enough, but I bought the small one anyway. It brightened me up a little, but, the sadness was just too strong to be covered up by one miserable cup of ice-blended stuff.
What am I sad about? I don't know. Lots of things maybe.
Waited for half an hour for my bus home! Not bad, as that gave me time to finish up my mocha. On the bus, some itchy-handed people had wrote this on the back of the seat:
“爱你真的好难”
That makes me think of 苏永康's song, “爱一个人好难”, but I don't have this song with me now. Here's the lyrics:
爱一个人好难
唱：苏永康， 曲：季忠平
词：季忠平， 编：黄尚伟
你说你还是喜欢孤单 其实你怕被我看穿
你怕属于我们的船 漂漂荡荡靠不了岸
事到如今没有答案 我的真心为你牵绊
不管相见的夜多么难堪 简简单单的说 爱是不爱
想要把你忘记真的好难 思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼 永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两断 听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天秤的两端 一样的为难 唯一的答案 爱一个人好难
Maybe that's one reason why I am sad. I wondered why some people managed to change boyfriends/girlfriends frequently. I wondered why some people can have this, can have that. I wondered why am I here, so alone?
And maybe I do have the answer. I don't have the money. I don't have the car. I don't have the looks, and I don't have the luck. Savvy?
Then how do you explain why am I here, at home at this time of the day, when I am supposed to be creating some havoc somewhere till late? Why am I here, writing a super long crap, trying to test my ELove system with this? Why am I here, stoning in front of the computers, doing nothing else but type?
I just love to ask why. Because with that 3-letter word, it makes me think. Think deep. Think further. I don't see things at the surface. Yes, people see things at the surface, but usually I look under the surface. I ask why.
If only I have used that 3-letter word more often for all my modules.
I need a break. I really good break. But always, my expectation of “good” always falls short. Hopefully, basketball will be possible tomorrow. That's one of the days where I do not want rain at 1pm. But then… who knows… I want things to happen, but they don't…
