Belief@HazelCafe

If I can choose, I will opt for selective memory loss.

This is good for wiping off unwanted memories, be it good or bad. By forgetting, you can free yourself from unwanted problems. There will surely be some things that you wish you can forget. You wanted to forget that bad fall. You wanted to forget that cheat. You wanted to forget that maths test. You wanted to forget that failed relationship. You wanted to forget that missed opportunity.

But some of us may opt to remember everything. Right to the detail. Remembering things as a form of past experience. As a form of memory. As a form of telling yourself never to let the same thing happen again.

But does remembering really stop things from repeating themselves? Maybe. Or would you let things repeat themselves without actually knowing that, actually, the same things have occured before? Which is better? You make the decision.

For me, I choose to forget, but I will still remember. "Selective memory loss" is to tell people that I have forgotten. It is also to tell people that, if given a chance, I will be back. It is also to tell myself to forgive. It is also to make myself happier, with less restrictions, and with much more freedom in what I want to do.

Even if things repeat themselves, they will affect me less. It is like forgetting, and giving yourself or others a chance, and yet, having the ability to prevent more serious hurt. If you experience the same thing over and over again, you will feel numb about it. Hopefully. And that will perhaps reduce some pain and hurt.

That is why, sometimes, physical hurt is nothing compared to emotional hurt. Physical scars can be reduced and removed over time. Emotional scars are more scary, as usually, they cannot be completely removed. Because we remember.

So, is that good or bad? Who knows. It can be anything, whatever. You make your own choice. I make mine.

Hmmm… what have I just said? I forgot…

Having sit around so much today really hurt my legs and buttocks. MRI scan has been confirmed to be carried out on 1 Feb, at 8.30am. 1 Feb, I will be extremely busy. 8.30am MRI, 1pm x-ray, 2pm Dr Naresh. Anyone free to stone with me? Guess not?

Aw…

I have no idea what to write….

Totally no idea. Therefore, I shall leave it as it is.

NO IDEA.

Ok… I reached the clinic at 1510… and my appointment was supposed to be at 1530.

I waited… and I waited… until 1630. Within that timeframe, I had taken out my FYP stuff, made changes, derived a new equation for use, and read some EE4411 notes.

That much sitting caused me pain.

And then finally, I got called in. I sat, he wrote. Did a tip-toe test as requested by him. No problem.

Time taken? 10 minutes.

Oh well… oh well…

Still not really in the mood to do any serious FYP.. zzz…

I am still thinking of things. Here and there. Rubbish things. Interesting things. Things that I have let go, things that I have held on to, and things that I have retrieved back, and also things that I have failed to take back.

Lalala… I guess, I will just concentrate on things that I can keep? Lol…

Currently in lab, but I don't have my laptop with me, so I decided to slack till around 2.30pm before I go over to NUH. Haiz… Friday, no one around in school for me to disturb…

Until something happens that will actually change my thoughts, I still do not really like fridays… always so lonely… Hmm…

Loneliness is a good thing sometimes. Lol.

I was wondering, where did all my photos go… and I realised that I have burnt them into CDs for storage. And since I have a 120gb of space now, I put them back into my hdd. Lol…

Some ancient photos here and there lor… should have more.. Hmm.. have to sort them out first. Some things are very 'complex' in those folders: repeated pics, copies of pics, lousy quality pics, elove pics, hazelcafe pics.. omg…

Ok… better go school first.

Ok, went to see the spine doctor this morning! Woohoo… he also suspected the same thing as the other 2 doctors earlier.

Oh well. The 'verdict'?

Slipped Disc.

Did a small research online, and I myself also think it might be slipped disc. At the lumbosacral region. In simpler terms, the buttocks area. The symptoms I had were quite similar. Hmm…

Oh well. Let's see what will happen tomorrow. More checks at NUH. Heh. Which means that, I will not be able to go to Suntec tomorrow afternoon. Aw…

Ok, suddenly, I have quite a lot of things to settle for FYP. Sianz…

Don't care la. Rest first.

Lalalaa happy morning~~~

Today's happenings will be… meeting prof at 10am, and then appointment at 1130, and then then at 12, if I can make it. Received a sms from a person who said that she and her friend will be playing tennis on Monday, 12pm. It's really rare to see people, especially girls, willing to play tennis under the 12pm sun. Girls are always complaining about being too dark, too chaoda, etc…

The meeting with prof will not be too long I guess. I only have a new thing to report to him, and get his suggestions on how to continue. The funny thing about FYP is, the more you do, the more you think what the hell can your results be used for? Install a PID controller in the human body to replace the natural feedback loop? Wahaha!

The appointment at 1130 is the first. See what magic the doctor will have. Hmm… stupid leg gets better when I am not in lab. Hmm…

IFG tennis. Go join go join! Wahaha!! I will join, if I can find my feel for the serve…

The stupid leg problem is back, and worst! Just because I resumed my FYP yesterday, and sat that for like, hours, and my leg is back to square 1. Went to UHWC this morning, after the 1 hour lecture. The doctor refered me to a specialist. Lalala… And hopefully I can get an excuse letter for IPPT or something similar, or I just go down to Maju to mark attendence… and report sick…

So what is the problem? I also don't know. It's just that today, the pain stayed on longer than previous. With this kind of condition, I can't even run, how to bball?

Stupid leg. Hopefully it will recover soon, so that I can go full force at tennis, return to bball court, and swim more.

People telling me to slim down, but er… how, with such condition? Lol… doing sit up is also a problem ok… don't play play.

Nevermind, let's see what the specialist has to say on Thursday…

Ok, this week is the start of the semester. So is there anything new happening?

I guess not.

Maybe, an attempt to score an 'A+*' or what?

No ba. I better make sure I get at least a B for FYP…

Went to school in the morning to restart my FYP ventures. Using various different papers, I somehow managed to come up with new ideas for the project. I will put that in soon. I have been wanting to fix that thing long ago, but only yesterday did I manage to find something relevent online.

Think about it.

Supposedly meeting for lunch at 1.30pm, but I really wondered, why ben and I were the only ones really eating lunch? And then, I started to think further down, what did I choose to forgo my chicken soup just for a lunch meeting at arts, where basically only 2 out of 4 people were eating this so-called lunch? And why am I enduring hunger just for that? 1 or 2 people will still be ok, but… 4 out of 6? What the hell? It just shows something. Something very fundamental is missing somewhere. But at least I saw bread.

Think about it.

And I have said before, I hate people who walked off without even attempting to say anything, and we had to find out their whereabouts from some other people. Then I stopped and looked back, and reminded myself that people are different. They can do whatever they think they like best. If they like it that way, so be it. I am fine with that. I hate, but that does not mean I won't accept.

Think about it.

Went back to lab to stone, and it started to rain very heavily, which was good. I love rain. I quite like listening to raindrops. But I was not really listening to the rain as I was crapping and listening. Did nothing much today, but there's nothing much to do in the first place. I apparently went to school for lunch. Today's bonus was 1 extra new guinea pig.

Think about it.

Went home via 198 and then 143. The first 198 was full, and the bus captain did not even open the door. The second one was less full, and we even managed to find seats. Often, during peak hours, it will be quite hard to get up these buses, as it will be quite full, but luckily the wait was not too long today. Usually, the back of the buses have 'ghosts' that 'prevented' people from moving to the rear. Take a look at the buses during peak hours next time. Usually people refuse to move in with the excuse of being inconvenient to get out of the bus later. Maybe the buses can consider bringing back the third door, but it will be quite impossible due to the engines and parts and whatevers, and also the idea of a low floor bus, which actually has steps inside. The best bus ever built is the natural gas powered one: not 1 step, but 2, to get up to the 'upper seats'. Makes you feel so high up on a single deck bus.

Think about it.

Even 143 home was packed like sardines. I overheard a mother's reply to her daughter's request to go to the upper deck: "?????????". Oh well. Sometimes such things happen. Abled people do not want to go to the upper deck for their own convenience. There was once when I took a double decker bus, where the lower deck was so packed, and the upper deck had so many seats available! In this case, if you put yourself into the mother's shoes, you can see (hopefully it is correct though) that she had taken her daughter's safety into consideration. It is indeed true that some bus drivers drive the buses as if they are Ferraris or Porsches or Lamborghinis. But however, I still think it is important to teach the young correct values, to be considerate of others, and not letting the idea of convenience to be deeply rooted into the mind.

Think about it.