Belief@HazelCafe

EnchantedLove.Net…. it's all wrong! All wrong!!! hahahaa

I will have to simplify the databases abit. I don't like the current database structures. I want simplicity. I don't want to see stars ever again..

Haa… dream on man…

I think I will go dig out my ELove blueprint instead. I am somehow lost in my own world. I need a map. I need some light. I need time. Not again. I have already done so many parts. But then, at least I only need to go through some parts. Change a few keywords here and there, and I will get my whole system running in about 1 week (hopefully). In the meantime, EnchantedLove.Net will see a revamp notice.

Went for my driving lesson this afternoon. I managed to keep the car alive throughout. I will be able to make it. I have to. No kerbs. Not much faults. Not many sabo people. Just cheong…

I have finally reached this very day. For the first time in so many months of NS, I am on leave for the whole week! Reason? Prepare for my driving test on April Fool’s Day, and contemplating on ELove.

If nothing goes wrong, I should be able to pass. I am not setting high hopes though. It all depends on luck. Yes, I don’t quite believe in learning theories and all that. I prefer hands-on experience and the ability to react accordingly. But, sadly, the testers all prefer people who can get through all their ‘hell’ without any much mishap…

Looks like I have to do come planning on what to do for the week. Due to the driving test and the lessons, I think I am over my budget this month. I guess I will just have to cut back on expenditure next month. Yes, eat less = spend less…

Went back to River City Restaurant on Friday for our platoon makan session. Got fed up with a waitress ‘auntie’ with not-that-good services. Sort of disappointed. Last year we went, they treated us like, well, customers. This time, they thought that we were just released from hell. Or perhaps it was the way they ordered the dishes. They kept ordering the same dishes until the kitchen had no more (they said so, I chose to believe). Sometimes, when I go for such ala-carte buffet dinner, I just couldn’t help it but ask myself, is it worth it by eating so much? Eat till you drop? Eat till you have to go to the toilet and throw everything into the toilet bowl or sink? What a wastage of food…

Just came back from guard duty in the morning. I was on IRF duty. We had a turn-out at 2300hrs, and we were required to do the intruder drill. We ‘old birds’ shouted as if we were going to war.. “YA! YA!”… loud and dangerous shouts echoed through the silent night… it was like we were going to kill someone we don’t like (we don’t like BOSes who performs turn-outs with intruder drills…)

Got some time to write some so-called lyrics… here’s part of it..

我真的恨我自己
志气高昂胆子却像只蚂蚁
难道我只能把真心话埋在我心理
让这一切变成一段痛苦的回忆。。。

This is the ‘bridge’ part. The rest? KIV first. The one-week break will settle the rest.

Went to collect our Genting Highlands stuff yesterday… Not a bad package…

We went for a walk along Orchard Road after that. Somewhere along Plaza Singapura, I thought saw someone familiar. After confirmation, it was her indeed…

The thing was, why didn’t I say hi or what? Why did we just walked past each other like strangers? The distance was like 1.5m apart…

Kind of wasted…. Feeling a bit regreted…

Saw more familiar faces. At Swenson’s, I saw the lady from Capital Optical at Causeway Point! What a lucky day, maybe…

*sigh*… Why am I like this?

我在逃避吗？也许吧。。。

I really want to go some place that I have never been. I just want to leave this place for a short time. Can I?

Next month, if nothing goes wrong, I will be going to Malaysia with some platoon mates. Time for some fresh air out of home. I shall take lots of photographs… can say that that’s one of my favourites…

我真的很想离开。离开这地方，好好地想一想。想什么， 我并不知道，但是，想些东西，也好过什么都不想。别让脑袋生锈了！

When to have my driving lesson today. Finally, I got into the circuit! It was fun, but there were lots of vehicles moving around, and I had to wait. I remembered that I was stuck near the entrance for nearly 20 minutes! Nice driving, so far so good. Hopefully, the tester will inform me of my failure, and tell me later that it’s a April Fool’s joke…

Went to JP to return my library books after that. Did some shopping. The fan on my computer’s power supply failed to rotate recently, and I bought a new one. Temperature of my CPU is, so far, ok. Bought a little CPU stand too! Now, my CPU is under my table, and my table looks empty now. Great!

我想我也应该回去了。如果天气好，我就会去跑一两圈。。。再见了！

I do not know what to say. I do not know where should I start……

What can I do? Carry on waiting? Maybe… Or perhaps I should just quit. But then, if I quit, this is just unlike me, unlike my usual style…

I am the determined type, but I like to wait for things… that’s me… wait and see…Maybe that’s why I like the words 等待 so much.

这是我的世界。我想怎么做就怎么做。你可以选择不理我，或是选择与我一起等。

有时候， 我觉得我的目标快要到达， 有时候，却感觉它离我十万八千里。也许这也是我造成的吧。 我选择等待。有时候， 等到了，却不懂得紧握着时机。千载难逢的机会就这样被我消灭。

如果还有机会，我想，我再也不想错过良机了。我要学会争取。我要开始懂了。。。

I hate this kind of feeling, asking myself why, without a valid reason…

I hate it. I hate it when I click on a search engine and it gave me some secrets about people. It's not that I am trying to be paparazzi, but it's just accidental. Accidental Secrets…

I hate it, when I am actually attracted to read the search results. I could have just clicked on the 'X' and forget about it, but I guess I can't. The temptation is too great.

I really hate myself sometimes. I do not know what I am trying to do. Take today's activity for example. I was trying to rearrage furnitures in my room, and in the end, they were back in their original positions. No change at all.

What am I doing? And what am I trying to prove?

In my life, I am always the backstage crew. I prefer to be helping others to get into the limelight instead of me standing up on the stage. Not that I am a loser. Not that I am afraid. It's just the way I work. I don't work alone. I enjoy teamwork. And as backstage crew, one can't work alone.

Perhaps, one day, I shall try to be on the stage, be in the spotlight…

Just renewed ELove's domain for another 2 years. I wonder how am I going to maintain this domain after I ORD: No more income. I guess I have to find some job to do soon… Surprisingly, I received an email from someone who is interested in this domain. I rejected his offer. I want my ELove. This is my email, my hobby, my webby, my everything… not that serious… haha

I shall go think about the things I have said earlier…

You do not know anything…

This sentence hurts.

Yes, I think I heard this sentence somewhere. I heard this sentence when I least expect it. I heard this sentence when I was tired. I heard this sentence hurt…

Thinking back, what have I done? What have I achieve? What am I trying to do? What will I do in the future? What was I? What am I now? And What will I be in the future? SO many unanswered questions.

Over the years, I did nothing much. Nothing. Or rather, not much people understand what I am trying to do.

I am a fisherman, lost out at sea, fishing alone, with an occasional boat passing by. Some stopped to ask. Some just went beside me and laughed. Some just kept their distance. Some, however, tried to steal the fish that I had caught. I am waiting to see some bouys along the seas to guide me to somewhere, where I can find someone, in order to do something…

What is that, I do not know…

Don't ask me. I am too vexed to answer these questions…

Project ELove… have been working on it since last year. I think I am getting somewhere. I do not know my destination yet, but I guess I will find out sooner or later.

Currently still working on old parts while adding in new ideas. I think I will have everything up before I start to optimise every single line of code. By the amount of cut-and-paste, I know I am repeating the same thing many times.

I hope I can continue to work on ELove. Since I have already been so good to pass CSSnet to the alumni, I guess I shall carry on with this little idea of mine…

Yes, I want to share my love… with everyone

Due to boredom, I decided to go to IMM for a walk. Bought nothing much. Spent only around $6. So wu2 liao2…. When I was about to go home, it rained! I had to take the shuttle bus to the bus interchange, another wu2 liao2 thing, as walking over to the interchange will be much faster…

Have to go book in now… another leave day gone, just like that…

Why???

Doing virtually nothing today. I was at home the whole day, doing nothing except for the little bits of webpage things and gunbound games. Nothing else.

If only I still had that bicycle with me, or should I say, if only I had chosen to spend more money on a better bicycle. I will have gone cycling, if the weather permitted me. If only I had a basketball, or should I say, I should not have bought the comics, and should have spent the money on a basketball. I would be playing basketball downstairs, if the weather was fine.

Yes, all was fine, until noon came. lightning and thunder. Showers. Sounds of raindrops falling. My favourite melody.

I am trying to find something to do. I cannot smiply sit in front of the computer the whole day, looking at nothing but lines and lines of repeated codes. I can't. Or can I? Or should I say, I don't want?

I have postponed my driving lesson to next Monday. Richard did not manage to book the circuit for me. I need a drive in the circuit. Till now, I am still not sure what the circuit looks like. I want to look, I want to have a feel. I want to pass my first civilian driving test.

Tomorrow? What can I do tomorrow? My mind is flexible. I can do a lot of things. I choose what I want to do.

As usual, which is also a very bad choice…

I choose to wait.

Yes, it's still raining. It's 9pm and rain water is still falling down. 12 hours since the rain started. 12 hours! It's been a long time since we had such long rains…

Went out at 10.30am to JEC today to meet up with Dennis to K-Box. We sang all types of songs. I just love those songs, full of meaning, full of thoughts, plentiful of ideas for me next time.

Had my driving lesson this afternoon. First time driving in rain, and when I was driving to AMK, the rain was like pouring down! I switched on the wipers to the fastest speed and still I can barely see what's in front. Quite fun actually, but it's a bit scary being not able to see clearly what's around.

Yeah, sometimes, our vision(thoughts) is blocked by unforseen circumstances, and thus, we fail to realise things that are around us. We can see, yet we cannot see. It's there, but something seems to be preventing us from reaching it.

I am starting to write crap again. Ok. Stop. The End.