Belief@HazelCafe

Ok, I am not drinking Latte now. Never! I have decided to go to the fridge and take out the lemonade that I have bought from Carrefour. Hmmm…

At least with this, I will still be able to sleep ba…

I have removed my flash stars. That's obvious.

I have even removed my mp3 script.

Project Belief-Cleaning-Up time.

I am still thinking of a possible new feel.

Think I shall sleep first.

No latte == can sleep.

Suddenly felt like singing. I want to sing!!!

[8.00pm]
Hmm… I believe I can smile…

I can. I really can. But… I feel happy, and I feel sad, and I feel angry. It’s a 3-in-1 coffee mix. Yes, and everyone knows that coffee is able to stain. And, the stains are hard to remove.

But who will care? As long as one does not get the stain, who cares? Who will actually come and get you out of some shit? No one. Help yourself.

[8.20pm]
Went to swim this morning with Yingzi and Jianliang. Light sun, just right. But that nua tang is complaining that there’s no sun. We stoned there for 2 hours, splashing water, talking crap, and whatever.

And after that, we went over to West Mall for lunch, and Yingzi went home, and me and him went over to Suntec. For what? To look for Carebear and Isis. Found the first one, as Suntec had organised some carebear show, and everywhere’s selling carebears. And I thought, oh great, we found carebear. And he said he did not want to get this type of carebear. Well done. Luckily I bought a bottle of Ginseng Chrysanthemum from Carrefour, and it’s cold. Otherwise I would make sure that the chicken I had bought end up in his throat.

But then, it seems that, I would not have done that. I had my own problem to deal with.

I decided it’s time to get out of Suntec.

And then, we end up at Raffles City. Saw the same bear. No others. After that, I gave him a choice between Bugis and Queensway, and he chose the latter. And off we went, on 197.

Fruitless trip to Queensway Shopping Centre. I wanted to go Ikea, and we went. Finally ate Swedish meatballs, after donkey years. Quite yummy. And after that, it’s shopping rage for me. Shop siao. Bought quite a lot of things. So much that, I end up going home with 2 big Ikea bags.

But I am still not too happy with the number of things that I have bought. It is still… whatever. I don’t know how to describe.

Had a hotdog and drink, and we went back to JE. 1 complete day out.

Sometimes, I really think, should I have done things that I have done? Be it sending sms, email, calling, even talking? So what will actually happen if I have not done all these? And why? And how?

Questions…

I only have one wish for christmas this year. Can I just settle this problem once and for all? Be it a success or a failure? Be it happy or sad?

Some things just have to be concluded. We just cannot be running away from them. When there’s a beginning, there’s always an end. There’s no hanging in between. And I think, I have been hung in between for too long. Years. The string is going to break… I don’t want to fall into ???. I want to go either side of the ends.

While on my way back, I was listening to this song.

后来

歌手：刘若英

后来 我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远云 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白
有些人 一旦错过就不再

栀子花白花瓣 落在我蓝色百褶裙上
爱你 你轻声说 我低下头闻见一阵芬芳
那个永恒的夜晚 十七岁仲夏 你吻我的那个夜晚
让我往后的时光 每当有感叹 总想起当天的星光
那时候的爱情 为什么就能那样简单
而又是为什么 人年少时 一定要让深爱的人受伤
在这相似的深夜里 你是否一样 也在静静追悔感伤
如果当时我们能 不那么倔强 现在也不那么遗憾

你都如何回忆我 带着笑或是很沉默
这些年来 有没有人能让你不寂寞

后来 我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远云 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白
有些人 一旦错过就不再

永远不会再重来 有一个男孩 爱着那个女孩

I also like the japanese version by Kiroro. Nice…

Mirai e
Sing: Kiroro

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Haha ga kureta takusan no yasashisa
Ai wo idaite ayumeto kurikaeshita
Ano toki wa mada osanakute imi nado shiranai
Sonna watashi no te wo nigiri
Isshoni ayundekita

Yume wa itsumo sora takaku aru kara
Todokanakute kowai ne dakedo oitsuzukeru no
Jibun no story dakara koso akirametakunai
Fuan ni naruto te wo nigiri
Isshoni ayundekita

Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai
Mirai e mukatte
Yukkuri to aruite yukou

[Translation]
Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future

Mother gave me so much kindness
Holding on to love, I refrained as I walked
At that time I was still young and didn’t know the meaning
She grabbed the innocent me tightly
and walked together

Since dream is always high up in the sky
I am afraid of not reaching it, however I continue to pursue it
Her own story, because of it, I don’t want to give up
When I felt anxious, she grabbed me tightly
and walked together

That kind of kindness, sometimes I dislike
I cannot be docile to my separated mother

Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future

That kind of kindness, sometimes I dislike
I cannot be docile to my separated mother

Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future

Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future
Facing the future
Walk slowly toward it

[10.30pm]
Looks like I took the longest to write this entry. I just came back from a short run. A really short one, but one that makes me sweat like hell. Even now, in front of the computer. It felt ok. I don’t want to exert too much. Just a relaxed one, or is it?

Did I see Vera just now? Hmm.. looked like her, but it’s too dark… and I was trying hard to think of running only, and nothing else.

After the short run, I sat down and look at the sky. A cloudy and slightly windy night. The moon’s partially covered by some clouds, and only one lone star managed to shine through. One star, shining through the clouds. Did that mean anything I wonder? I closed my eyes and think, maybe it meant something. It depends on how I want to see it. It may mean loneliness, and it may mean strength. Which one? Both?

Hmm… I don’t know. Tomorrow’s Wednesday. 14. Just 10 more days. And I wonder if I should continue? Should I endure? Should I give up? Should I just don’t care?

Continue? Continue with what? Endure? Endure what? Give up? Give up what? Don’t care? Same?

[11.00pm]
I just came back to my room, after my bath. It felt shiok. The cold water, trickling down my head, my body, my hands, my legs. I wish I am awake, but I am only half-awake. The other half still lives in the past, and I will call it back in a few minutes’ time.

I have somehow decided.

What will be, will be… vice versa. I hold no beliefs on this.

糖罐子
唱：王心凌
专辑：爱你 第5首

你快乐就好 为什么要我感觉到
我突然闻到丝丝的炫耀
我始终没有勇气面对你的笑
当我想逃 却逃不了

傻一点也好 其他的我不想知道
你留给我的糖已太美好
有chocolate蓝莓 还有柠檬的味道
我宁可在糖罐里绕 才不会想你想到没心跳

好 与坏 其实都不重要
我早已失去逃离的力量

糖罐子装着 回忆里的我们
甜甜的梦 软软的吻 酸酸的快乐
糖罐子开了 所有的滋味我都舍不得
甜蜜都被眼泪慢慢的 融化了

Hmm.. ELove Server always like to be in the same mood as me…

I am back. Back from JB shop and eat one-day jalan jalan. Ok ba, it's not a bad place. Only that my pocket is quite bad, as it's not filled with money.

It's been 4 years already! 4 years ago, on this day, I was at Pasir Ris Bus Interchange, waiting for the bus to SAF Ferry Terminal. A fun experience maybe. While some people were very very upset about NS, I was not. I was actually looking forward to it! Wahaaha.. I wonder what's so scary about NS… Hmm… It's just a bald head for up to 4 months, and then see where you go, which I think depends on your luck and some tests here and there…

So, am I lucky or what, to be posted to be under RSAF? Hahaha.. I have always wanted to wear that Air Force no.3 anyway… yeah!

I don't know. Sometimes, it's good. Sometimes, it's bad. Where am I? At the bottom? At the top? In the middle? No indicator anywhere.

Maybe… I just don't exist.

Oh well… I have promised myself not to be too affected by such things, but then, really, it's hard. But since I am already somewhere in the soup, why not just enjoy and drink up all the soup? Wahahaha… what kind of example is this? Wahaa…

Crapp ba.

I am lost for words. What can I say? What can I not say?

Hmm… When I am more free, I shall write more theories.

Why do people do this, and that, and this? Why like this? Why not like this? Why this way, and not that way?

Why ask, when you will be getting short, indirect answers in return? And answers that are not what you asked?

What is my current song? S.H.E – Never Mind. I just got reminded of this song, somehow. I quite like this song, and I think I did post the lyrics up here somewhere.

Never mind. I shall put everything down for once. Just don't care. Who cares.

Will it rain tomorrow? Or rather, will it rain later?

It's time to go.

Bye.

Hmm. Will I be in Singapore tomorrow I wonder? Hmmm…

Being Singaporean means that, with a passport, almost everywhere is possible. Even at the last minute. Just grab and go.

So… maybe I should go…

Ich habe vier Lieder jetzt. Ich will mehr schreiben. Musik ist Spaß.

But do I really have 4? Lol… Don't think so ba. I just finished one. Hmm… Some place can still be improved, but I think I shall just leave it as it is. Simple. A slightly different style.

And just now, I was away cutting a chicken, and now, my hands are full of the smell of the chicken. Erm… uncooked chicken! I did wash my hands, and with soap somemore! But the smell still remained! Hmmm… Never mind. Haha.. The smell will subside… soon.

What a free day for me. Nothing else to do. Wanted to go out actually, but then, I rather not. See how tomorrow. If there's nothing, then, too bad. Morning swim at BB, afternoon go somewhere and stone. Town, anywhere. Maybe home is also possible eh?

So far, I have been going all the same places. I think I have to get out of these places, and extend my 'roaming empire' to the northern and eastern side. Which means Bishan, Tampines, Changi areas. Expand, explore, and yet not spend too much money. Yeah.

As I said, it's impossible to get lost in Singapore.

For now… it's… TV TIME!!!! Wahahahaa!!!

No bball session today. All went to hide, buaya, pattor, rest. So how? No bball lor. At home doing photos, doing MIDI lor. And sending echos to a wall.

Vocab increment:
Wall == Wand
die Wand (pl. die Wände)

Hmm…

Went to West Coast Market, the one opposite Tanglin Sec, with my mom this morning. Ate there. It's been a long time since I eat out with her. Ever since I had my braces on, I think. I don't want to have veggie on my teeth, and I am lazy to go to the toilet to clean it up! Wahaha!!!

But then, I have been eating out for the whole of last year, with braces, and yet, nothing much happened, and so, what's wrong with eating out? Hmmm….

I do go to the market with my mom when I am able to. Sometimes, I really wonder, how many girls out there actually go to the market with their moms???? Wahahaa! How many are able to differentiate the different types of fish, meat, and veggies? How many actually know how to cook (besides maggie mee)?

Wahaa… or maybe wet markets are not for them, fine. How many have actually bought uncooked food from the supermarket before? Hmm…

Maybe there are…. lol… crapp…

Here I am, staring… and staring… and listening… and looking… and hearing… and typing… and keying… and trying… and trying… and trying…. and…

It just won’t fit.

Won’t fit. 勉强是没有用的.

*switch off keyboard. Close all files. Clears memory. Off the lights. *

I decided to reject the website project. It's not worth it. I have been through people living off what I have done. Why should I be doing the dirty job, and some other people will just sit there and collect the money?

And it's like, 30% of the total earnings, according to my prelimary calculations and estimation. 30%.

No way. Unless that project is a big one, with costs running into the thousands. No.

Silent night… sometimes, I just think. And think. And think. And come to my own conclusion, as, there is no one to evaluate things with me. My conclusion may be right, may be wrong. I am more worried that I am right than I am wrong. If it's wrong, I will just laugh over it. If it's right, I will have to think again…

I think too much about others. For others. So much that I think people will start to ask me: “oi you think it's very ?? for you to do this?”. My answer: ?? is not the key point. Who cares.

I am just a damage collector. A sparepart. Something that will be taken out when needed.

If someone, anyone, could prove me wrong? As I said, I may be right, and I may be wrong…

After taking a little break in the swimming at Bukit Batok with Jianliang and Yingzi, I am back with ideas. I mean, able to hear better ba…

But I am not working on that yet. I need a break from computer. Or rather, it’s TV time! Lol…

After the swim, I tested out a Nikon Coolpix camera. I still prefer mine though. Haha.. tested and proven, both in Singapore and in Germany! And it’s a German brand somemore…

I am still the darkest among the 3 of us! AhhH!!

Whatever… I am just able to get dark easily.

And after taking some crapp photos here and there, we went over to West Mall for a snack. Jianliang treated us to Dim Sum (for being late. I SAY. Wahaha!), and Yingzi and I each bought a dessert from the stall in the food court. The dim sum was ok I think, but the fish ball was so big, and there’s nothing but fish meat in it! Hmm….

And here I am, back home… Hee… a slack swim, I must say. Just 10 laps. Just for a light swim. I need to recover.

And yes! Tomorrow’s Saturday! Why am I so excited when nothing’s going to happen tomorrow? Hmm… Maybe that’s why I am so excited? Possible. Wahahah!