Oh well. I guess I will be a bit on a better mood to start my crapp… and maybe this will not be too much crapp…
It’s amazing how some people see friendship as. Doing everything together? Sharing everything together? Including hobbies? Is that a definition of friendship? 2 people having something in common?
Let’s quote from Wikipedia:
Friendship is a type of interpersonal relationship that is found among humans and among animals with rich intelligence, such as the higher mammals and some birds. Cross-species friendships are common between humans and domestic animals. Less common but still of note are friendships between an animal and another animal of a different species, such as a dog and cat.
Individuals in a friendship relationship will generally welcome each other’s company and often exhibit mutually helping behavior. Friendship is generally considered to be a closer personal relationship than an acquaintanceship, although there are a range of ‘degrees of intimacy’ in both friendships and acquaintances. For most people, there is an overlap between friends and acquaintances.
“Generally welcome each other’s company. Mutual helping behavior.” And of course, closer personal relationship. By closer relationship, I will take that as being able to understand, to feel, to see the big picture.
And I won’t blame any friend for not able to do so. Because I, too, commit that mistake sometimes. Or perhaps, too many times. I can only blame myself for not providing aid. I can only blame myself for my blindness.
I have provided my views, and I don’t wish to put them here. I can understand. I have understood. At least part of it. The frustration, and the anger. “Putting one into other people’s shoes” is so familiar. So near. So close.
Am I thinking too much? Perhaps. That’s what brains are for. Thinking is the fastest thing (Opps, watched too much drama. even the drama content is coming out…).
Yes, people can’t think properly when their minds are not at peace. That’s especially true for negative emotions. You want to throw down that glass bottle onto the floor in a moment of anger, but have you ever spare a thought for other people who might be walking barefooted in the surrounding area? You want to ignore someone when you learnt of a story, but are you sure you know the full story and its cause?
Yes, thinking is the fastest thing. But impulse is faster. Think, impulse. Damage. Water thrown out cannot be retrieved easily.
Humans are dynamic systems (omg…). We need time to react, to accept, and to change where necessary. We have to rely on our five senses to gather information (input), and put the information through some checks (processing), and to react and change as necessary (output). All these require time. For example, Putting a drop of red dye into a glass of clear, clean water. You don’t expect the whole glass of water to turn red the moment the drop of red dye hits the surface of the water. It requires some time for it to diffuse.
It always start out, spreading to the water molecules closest to it, and it propagates to the next. The molecules closest to it will benefit first.
How to make it spread faster? Put the dye right in the middle. Or use a stirrer.
Stirring it creates disturbance (omg…), and that will cause the dye to spread at a faster rate. And of course, disturbance can cause some of the water to spill out, and the water will be left out.
Sad, isn’t it? Imagine, one whole group of friends, and you are standing outside of the group, all by yourself. And nobody takes note of you. And nobody cares if you are dead or alive.
And maybe, that’s the time for asking the question: why? I did. And most of the time, it’s communication problems. Noise (omg…).
I did not know if I did say this before here, but no matter what, since I am so free tonight, might as well say it.
In kindergarten, I was a sort-of a very kaypoh person. I remembered learning to write my chinese name. Since it’s so easy to write, I often finished writing faster than the rest. Then what did I do? I go around poking my nose into other people’s business. I wrote their names! Maybe I was having fun writing chinese characters (I doubt it?), and I learnt some extra words. Oh well, of course I got scolded for being a kaypoh…
And in lower primary, I was also a kaypoh, but this time, a talkative kaypoh. Teachers complained about me being talkative in class. Talk and talk and talk. They scold me. They demanded me to put my finger on my lips. They “shhh” me.
But did they ever know why? That I was an only child? That I had no one to talk to? That going to school was the only time I could talk to friends?
Nevertheless, I decided to shut my mouth up, so much so that it was reflected in my report book in primary 3:
Therefore, unless a person knows me very well, they will see me as a wall. A big fat wall. And so, not much people in school knew that I existed. I think I remember people better than them remembering me.
Maybe that’s why I like being backstage crew.
And so, all these went with me all the way up to upper education. No chance to change. No one’s interested. So I kept my cool. Nothing was necessary. Until I found out that I am actually very very bad at starting conversations, or rather, continuing a conversation. I have been learning much since. I am still learning, and will still be learning.
I still do not understand why they have selected me to become a peer leader in sec 3. Peer leaders must have the ability to lead. And to lead, they need good communication skills to get the message across.
I am not one of them with that kind of qualities. And I doubt my peers will ever remember that I existed.
Actually, I realised that, I talk more online. That’s how I found some friends, and a particular one has been “stuck” to me for a long long time.
Yes, friends are very important to me. Living on this world for 22 years, I have nothing much except parents and friends. And where is the love? It’s somewhere over the rainbow.
I’ve seen friends come and go. I’ve seen friends drifting away, into another world of friends. I’ve seen friends declaring war on each other. How cruel.
I don’t want to fight. Please, don’t make me fight…
I think I won’t want to write anything more about this. It’s sad to dig out the history book. But it feels better after a while. Let go when necessary. Clarify when in doubt. Forgive and forget… *breathes*
Ok, what I have been doing over the week. I have been playing this interesting game called “?????”. It’s something like “?????”, but it’s a story all by itself. Quite an interesting game, besides having to kill similar monsters sometimes, in order to reach a goal.
It all started when someone started telling me about this game, and this serial. So I went around, looking for this game that’s a classic at that time (how come I have never play this before?). And so, I found it, played it, and it somehow hanged somewhere near the end. And so, I never get to know the game’s ending. Spent so much time playing it, and it cannot be played any further due to a missing file I think.
So how? That show sounds interesting, and so, after my swim at JE on Friday morning, I made a trip to TS @ JP to look for it. And I found it!
??? is the ??? in <<????>>! Ahhh ??! And from online info, I think she’s born in 1986…
I bought the DVD version for better graphics. The VCD version cost the same. It’s indeed a nice serial. My mom’s watching it also… hahaha… or else I will kena K-ed for spending $$$ on this…
Have finished watching the first out of the 3 DVD folders. Meaning? 2 DVDs. Each with 6 episodes. 12 in total. The whole serial is 34-episode long. ooOoooo
Funny and moving show… Aw… slightly different from the game’s storyline, but that doesn’t matter. And there’s ??? and ?? and ??? in there! Therefore, I think either Channel 8 or Channel U will air the show soon…
Ahh.. that “touch nose” action….. lol looks so ?? type…
Ok that’s all for today…. zzZ