I have decided to cast a counter-spell.
If friends are for you to dump your problems, then sadly, all your friends must be garbage collectors. Lol.
Friendship is an interpersonal relationship between two persons that is mutually productive, established and maintained through perceived mutual free choice, and characterized by mutual positive regard (Devito). Important points to note in a friendship is the willingness to invest time in it, and in the process, develop emotional closeness, acceptance, trust and support.
I think the sharing of happy and sad times are important for a good friendship. I don't think that a particular person can be forever happy, or forever sad. If a person keeps on sharing sad times with you, and maybe, you really are a garbage collector. If a person always talk about happy times with you, it might seem that, you have been perceived as not a good listener to be told of these unpleasant moments.
And maybe that's why some friendships never last. Lol.
We have to understand that the 3 very important aspects of interpersonal communications are that they are unrepeatable, inevitable and irreversible. What cannot simply talk back what one says. The impact still exists. One can only try to minimise that impact. Communication is just like pouring away a pail of water and trying to collect very drop back. ????. Therefore, before we say anything, we have to think first. Saying anything that comes to your mind may be good, but then, it may back-fire, resulting in conflicts, anger, hate, disappointment, and (probably unnecessary) emotional stress.
However (according to Miss Pang Kee Tai, my GEK1006 tutor, and her writings on mahjong paper during lesson), conflicts are natural processes in all relationships. They may be overt or covert. The related behaviors and meanings are shaped by social locations. They may be managed well or poorly, and they can actually be good for individuals and relationships. Hence, conflicts are sometimes good. They allow you to really think. It is important to tackle the problem at its root. According my tutor again, the phrase "??", consists of "??" and "??". In times of danger, there are opportunities to be found. So, starting finding them!
About how to get your point across, the usage of "I" statements have been suggested, together with DESC:
- DESCRIBE situation that affects you,
- EXPRESS your feelings,
- SPECIFY what you want to see different, and lastly, the
- CONSEQUENCES.
And also, STAR is another good thing, to remind one not to act rashly:
- STOP
- THINK
- ACT
- REFLECT
Stop is important. Stopping allows time to think, and the final results will be different. The different results may end up with a win-win situation, which we should try to achieve in times of conflicts.
And to sum up everything, friends are not just for dumping problems at. They are there as a support, through all good and bad times.
And of course, GEK1006 is a good module to take. Without the exam part. Gonna miss tutorial class… *sobz*… The best tutorial class is one that you walk in knowing little or nothing, and walk out feeling enriched and empowered. Miss Pang has done it. Let's show our appreciation by clapping! *clap clap clap*
Tada.. photo! Lol! Receiving of the Outstanding Social Worker Award 2001, from our President! Wahhh…. (as if you all can see her face in this picture like that.. bleahh) Actually should have taken photo in class. I forgot that I had a camera in my bag that day. Duhz.
Lol… zzz