[edited] Smile… Smile Not…[后来] [Mirai e] [糖罐子]

[8.00pm]
Hmm… I believe I can smile…

I can. I really can. But… I feel happy, and I feel sad, and I feel angry. It’s a 3-in-1 coffee mix. Yes, and everyone knows that coffee is able to stain. And, the stains are hard to remove.

But who will care? As long as one does not get the stain, who cares? Who will actually come and get you out of some shit? No one. Help yourself.

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[8.20pm]
Went to swim this morning with Yingzi and Jianliang. Light sun, just right. But that nua tang is complaining that there’s no sun. We stoned there for 2 hours, splashing water, talking crap, and whatever.

And after that, we went over to West Mall for lunch, and Yingzi went home, and me and him went over to Suntec. For what? To look for Carebear and Isis. Found the first one, as Suntec had organised some carebear show, and everywhere’s selling carebears. And I thought, oh great, we found carebear. And he said he did not want to get this type of carebear. Well done. Luckily I bought a bottle of Ginseng Chrysanthemum from Carrefour, and it’s cold. Otherwise I would make sure that the chicken I had bought end up in his throat.

But then, it seems that, I would not have done that. I had my own problem to deal with.

I decided it’s time to get out of Suntec.

And then, we end up at Raffles City. Saw the same bear. No others. After that, I gave him a choice between Bugis and Queensway, and he chose the latter. And off we went, on 197.

Fruitless trip to Queensway Shopping Centre. I wanted to go Ikea, and we went. Finally ate Swedish meatballs, after donkey years. Quite yummy. And after that, it’s shopping rage for me. Shop siao. Bought quite a lot of things. So much that, I end up going home with 2 big Ikea bags.

But I am still not too happy with the number of things that I have bought. It is still… whatever. I don’t know how to describe.

Had a hotdog and drink, and we went back to JE. 1 complete day out.

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Sometimes, I really think, should I have done things that I have done? Be it sending sms, email, calling, even talking? So what will actually happen if I have not done all these? And why? And how?

Questions…

I only have one wish for christmas this year. Can I just settle this problem once and for all? Be it a success or a failure? Be it happy or sad?

Some things just have to be concluded. We just cannot be running away from them. When there’s a beginning, there’s always an end. There’s no hanging in between. And I think, I have been hung in between for too long. Years. The string is going to break… I don’t want to fall into ???. I want to go either side of the ends.

While on my way back, I was listening to this song.

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后来

歌手：刘若英

后来 我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远云 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白
有些人 一旦错过就不再

栀子花白花瓣 落在我蓝色百褶裙上
爱你 你轻声说 我低下头闻见一阵芬芳
那个永恒的夜晚 十七岁仲夏 你吻我的那个夜晚
让我往后的时光 每当有感叹 总想起当天的星光
那时候的爱情 为什么就能那样简单
而又是为什么 人年少时 一定要让深爱的人受伤
在这相似的深夜里 你是否一样 也在静静追悔感伤
如果当时我们能 不那么倔强 现在也不那么遗憾

你都如何回忆我 带着笑或是很沉默
这些年来 有没有人能让你不寂寞

后来 我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远云 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白
有些人 一旦错过就不再

永远不会再重来 有一个男孩 爱着那个女孩

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I also like the japanese version by Kiroro. Nice…

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Mirai e
Sing: Kiroro

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Haha ga kureta takusan no yasashisa
Ai wo idaite ayumeto kurikaeshita
Ano toki wa mada osanakute imi nado shiranai
Sonna watashi no te wo nigiri
Isshoni ayundekita

Yume wa itsumo sora takaku aru kara
Todokanakute kowai ne dakedo oitsuzukeru no
Jibun no story dakara koso akirametakunai
Fuan ni naruto te wo nigiri
Isshoni ayundekita

Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Sono yasashisa wo toki ni wa iyagari
Hanareta haha e sunao ni narezu

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai

Hora ashimoto wo mite goran
Kore ga anata no ayumu michi
Hora mae wo mite goran
Are ga anata no mirai
Mirai e mukatte
Yukkuri to aruite yukou

[Translation]
Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future

Mother gave me so much kindness
Holding on to love, I refrained as I walked
At that time I was still young and didn’t know the meaning
She grabbed the innocent me tightly
and walked together

Since dream is always high up in the sky
I am afraid of not reaching it, however I continue to pursue it
Her own story, because of it, I don’t want to give up
When I felt anxious, she grabbed me tightly
and walked together

That kind of kindness, sometimes I dislike
I cannot be docile to my separated mother

Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future

That kind of kindness, sometimes I dislike
I cannot be docile to my separated mother

Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future

Look, watch your step
This is your path
Look, watch in front of you
That is your future
Facing the future
Walk slowly toward it

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[10.30pm]
Looks like I took the longest to write this entry. I just came back from a short run. A really short one, but one that makes me sweat like hell. Even now, in front of the computer. It felt ok. I don’t want to exert too much. Just a relaxed one, or is it?

Did I see Vera just now? Hmm.. looked like her, but it’s too dark… and I was trying hard to think of running only, and nothing else.

After the short run, I sat down and look at the sky. A cloudy and slightly windy night. The moon’s partially covered by some clouds, and only one lone star managed to shine through. One star, shining through the clouds. Did that mean anything I wonder? I closed my eyes and think, maybe it meant something. It depends on how I want to see it. It may mean loneliness, and it may mean strength. Which one? Both?

Hmm… I don’t know. Tomorrow’s Wednesday. 14. Just 10 more days. And I wonder if I should continue? Should I endure? Should I give up? Should I just don’t care?

Continue? Continue with what? Endure? Endure what? Give up? Give up what? Don’t care? Same?

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[11.00pm]
I just came back to my room, after my bath. It felt shiok. The cold water, trickling down my head, my body, my hands, my legs. I wish I am awake, but I am only half-awake. The other half still lives in the past, and I will call it back in a few minutes’ time.

I have somehow decided.

What will be, will be… vice versa. I hold no beliefs on this.

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糖罐子
唱：王心凌
专辑：爱你 第5首

你快乐就好 为什么要我感觉到
我突然闻到丝丝的炫耀
我始终没有勇气面对你的笑
当我想逃 却逃不了

傻一点也好 其他的我不想知道
你留给我的糖已太美好
有chocolate蓝莓 还有柠檬的味道
我宁可在糖罐里绕 才不会想你想到没心跳

好 与坏 其实都不重要
我早已失去逃离的力量

糖罐子装着 回忆里的我们
甜甜的梦 软软的吻 酸酸的快乐
糖罐子开了 所有的滋味我都舍不得
甜蜜都被眼泪慢慢的 融化了

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Hmm.. ELove Server always like to be in the same mood as me…