Emo entry time…<\/p>\n
The time is 2340. Eating my dinner now.<\/p>\n
I have just finished the cup of coffee. I decided to go out and get myself another drink. Got myself a hot cup of chinese tea. \u00e9\u201c\u0081\u00e8\u00a7\u201a\u00e9\u0178\u00b3. Bitter.<\/p>\n
Ate my dinner. Slowly. In front of the computer. And think. Why am I like that?<\/p>\n
I have been wondering, how come, I always feel that, I am being treated differently? How come, I feel that, I am being left out of something. How come, I feel that, I am alone?<\/p>\n
Why, I see certain things happening between people, but these things don’t happen between me and others? Why, I see certain reactions, but such reactions are not seen when I am in the picture. Why, I feel certain things, but such feelings are just, simply, my own feelings?<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Why am I trying so hard?<\/p>\n
Can I just revert back to the cold heartless Lk?<\/p>\n
How come, I always feel that, I have a kind of aura around me, in such a way that, people are just scared of me?<\/p>\n
Am I that scary?<\/p>\n
How some, I always feel that…<\/p>\n
Enough. I am sad.<\/p>\n
Sad, the way things have become. Sad, the way things do not go the way I want them to be. Sad.<\/p>\n
Just sad.<\/p>\n
Because. I am different.<\/p>\n
……………………………………………..<\/p>\n
Sometimes, I think, why am I working so hard? Why all\u00c2\u00a0 the shit goes into my mailbox? Why not others?<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Unless I find a very good reason, I will be so unmotivated. Not even the bonus can motivate me. No. I need to find something. I don’t know what, but I need to find something. Something that, I lack, or need.<\/p>\n
I am just uber pissed, having more than 10 PRs bouncing around, and arrows to raise more PRs with limited\/missing\/outdated information. I am just like an idiot, spending more time on things that are all outside my main scope.<\/p>\n
Why other people can have the privilege of being more free than me.<\/p>\n
Why…<\/p>\n
……………………………………………..<\/p>\n
I am so unmotivated. I used to finish up a section of code within half an hour. Now, a day. I used to finish up what I was supposed to do over the weekend. Now, I wait for Monday to arrive.<\/p>\n
Now, I wonder, if I should go back on Saturday, to finish up that programming.<\/p>\n
I will think about it.<\/p>\n
……………………………………………..<\/p>\n
Later’s plan? Supposedly, I have tennis session at 9am. After that, supposedly, I have some outing at 2pm. Supposedly, I have a bbq at 5.30pm. I am still thinking.<\/p>\n
I shall see how alive I am, later.<\/p>\n
I am already running on backup battery. And that battery is running low.<\/p>\n
I need to recharge.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Emo entry time… The time is 2340. Eating my dinner now. I have just finished the cup of coffee. I decided to go out and get myself another drink. Got myself a hot cup of chinese tea. \u00e9\u201c\u0081\u00e8\u00a7\u201a\u00e9\u0178\u00b3. Bitter. Ate … Continue reading