I am strong. I believe I am. I have so many things to say, but I do not know where to start… let me think for a while…<\/p>\n
It's been a long time. Around 6 years ever since. And yes, it's my fault for this to happen, because I procrastinate. I wait, thinking that you too, will. How stupid. How na\u00ef<\/span>ve of me. <\/p>\n Even if the result was negative back then, it would not be that bad. At least.<\/p>\n Even now, I think, it's also not that bad actually. <\/p>\n What I need is, someone, to explain, to talk, to discuss the issues with me. Explain to me. Slowly. Patiently. Settle it once and for all, and move on.<\/p>\n Or at least, for me, try to move on. At least now, I know what's the feeling of losing something that you really treasured. <\/p>\n \u201c??????????????\u201d<\/em> <\/font><\/p>\n – ??? – ??<\/font><\/p>\n It's a disappointing day. It started raining during the second hour of the EE2011 lecture. It just reflected my mood then. Rain follows, shows, and amphasizes my mood sometimes. I just could not stand you not talking to me first, before he appeared during lecture. It's so disappointing. Even though I have known the outcome before that, I just nearly could not take it back then…<\/p>\n I remembered that I said that my endurance threshold is quite high, but just now, it was at the brim. It was so bad, I actually felt cold during the lecture. My hands were shaking quite abit. I felt sick. I just wanted the lecture to end quickly.<\/p>\n “????? ????? ????????? – ?? – ??<\/font><\/p>\n And so, the lecture ended, and I was slightly relieved, but still felt sick. I could not even eat finish the sandwiches and potato salad that I had shared with Ben. Just felt sick. Sick of what, I did not really know. <\/p>\n Suddenly, I thought about history once again. My memory is good for such things. I could remember lots of things. That's why I have always wanted to bang my head one day, and forget about everything. I remembered the day where I wore a pink polo tee for the first time. I saw and remembered what happened that day, and I knew, the end is near. <\/p>\n And next came various school meetings and the Night Safari trip. Hope was not with me. I thought, why not just pack up and leave? Why bother? But I could not. I did not really pick it up, how to let go?<\/p>\n “???? ?????? – ??? – ????<\/font><\/p>\n I was wrong about many things. I was wrong about waiting. I was wrong about just keeping quiet. I was wrong about doing backstage work rather than right infront. <\/p>\n It's all my fault.<\/p>\n So ironic. I was telling Joan a few days ago that, it's always not one person's fault when things happen. And now, right here, I am taking in all the blame…<\/p>\n Ha. Ha. Ha.<\/p>\n That Safari night was the night that I drank 2 cans of Nescafe Latte in a row, and ended up unable to sleep. I wondered if the real reason was the latte, or was it regarding some other thing? Maybe it's this song…<\/p>\n “????Latte???? ????????? – ??? – ????<\/font><\/p>\n It was disturbing, not really knowing what had happened, and what would happen next. I was just waiting. Waiting for some things to happen. <\/p>\n [To be continued …]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am strong. I believe I am. I have so many things to say, but I do not know where to start… let me think for a while… It's been a long time. Around 6 years ever since. And yes, … Continue reading
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